Okay a couple of things I was so down in the dumps this weekend. After I got off work I went home and went to bed. I then got up and did some cleaning and what not. I went to Wal-mart to pick up a few things plus I got Usher's new CD. (not sure how I feel about it, will keep you posted) I then finally went to bed around 3 a.m. to only have to get up for sorority meeting at 9:30 (actually breakfast is at 9:30 and then meeting at 10, but meeting didn't start till like 10:30ish) So I came home and wasted the rest of the day away, then my best friend called me to tell me all about her trip to Egypt (which actually was the highlight of my day) and then I went to bed. I woke up around 7ish and decided I wasn't going to church, so I slept in until like 9 and did some random things around the house. Then I went to belly dancing which was pretty cool, it got me out the house and doing something.
I figure why I was in such a funk...it was Father's Day weekend and I spent the entire time trying not to hate my father. I really don't want to hate him (cause I ain't trying to go to hell behind him, shit his contributions on earth have been pretty hellacious, really not just the effects they have had on me) In addition, I haven't talked to Aaron since Thursday and if you haven't figured it out I have abandonment issues. When people go M.I.A. on my I somewhat freak and and cut them off completely. So I am slowly cutting Aaron off. I did send him a text today and if I haven't heard from him by Friday of this week then I am done. I am canceling our "date" if that is even what it is and deleting him from my phone. Say what you want, but whatever.
So today a friend of Mr. Phuck around to phuck around comes by my job, to get some assistance. So later on today, I get a call from Mr. PaPa to say thanks for helping his boy out (not really sure what I did, but okay) so then he sensed that I was being short with him and I explained that I am pretty much done with him. He was like okay this is like the 6th or 7th time you have kicked me to the curb, can I at least have a reason. I told him cause I am not use to getting what I want. Which is part of the reason. I am tired, I am tired of the same ole shit in my life when it comes to men. I want something new, something different, something scandal free, potential drama free something that just feels right and this shit, this shit right here ain't it. Okay it is to a point but not what I am looking for. I can't explain what it is I am looking for, I think its more of a feeling. I have this feeling when I initially meet people and then it goes away (thus I loose interest in them). So I am looking for that feeling, I think that Aaron has the potential if he doesn't feed into my abandonment issues and I open up and be completely honest with him. Then again maybe not cause we are so damn far apart and I am not sure what he wants from me. Question- why would a guy tell you he had a crush on you in college (like 8 years ago, ask you about yourself and then suggest you all go you for dinner and a movie when he comes to town?) You can say it I read to much in to such, and yes I do. I will analyze something to death. So this is why I will probably be by myself. So back to Mr. PaPa. Its crazy, I can't commit to him cause i have commitment issues and he can commit to me cause he is already committed. And they are so damn happy, she just fucking lights up when he is in the room. (intelligence reports are a bitch) and then i think she lives in the same city as me. Ugh, yeah this is to much for me. Be my luck I run in to them all lovey dovey....talk about stab me in the heart and turn. So I am done....and if it takes lunch, dinner, drinks to actually say it and mean it to him then so be it. I am cleaning house around here bitches....
speaking of which, you know what time it is.......Delete motherfuckers time........so i will talk to you later.
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