Here we go again......

So it's the Saturday before Labor Day and I am sitting at home ALONE!!!! That normally wouldn't be odd cause I do it often.....So what's been happening I know its been so long since I have blogged and I am sure this is going to be all over the place.

So I will try to cover major events....Well Aaron is/was back (I think that's what I called him, you know the guy last year that stood me up for 4th of July). Okay so let's talk about him.....Well I gues like a couple of weeks ago I saw him online and just sent a message to say hi, he mentioned that he was just headed back home from New Orleans and things weren't going well. I was like okay you know if you ever need to talk just call and I will listen. So we talked/chatted briefly and randomly he asked me "Do you want to see me" I was like okay/sure. Well I guess right before my birthday (8/23) I called him because he was on my mind and he didn't answer, well the next day he calls me and we talk and it was a cool conversation, so a week goes by and we don't talk and I get an email from him asking for my phone number, he was at work and he wanted to call me, I was like okay, so he calls me from work and he is like what are you doing Labor Day weekend? I am like nothing I do have something that Saturday form 3-6 but other than that nothing...I was like why...he was like I am trying to take a trip.....i was like where are you going...he was like I was trying to come and see you .....i was like O.--OKay...he was like but I am trying to figure out accomodations...i was like well----what do you want to do....he was like I can't say, I am at work.....I am like WTH are you trying to say....he was like not like that i am just at work and i don't want people in my business.....i was like o--okay, then i said well you are more than welcome to stay with me if you want (at that moment I had an outer body experience and was like HE IS???), so he says let me call you back.....so he calls me back and is like I am gonna fly in to BTR not NOLA i was like okay and i come in Friday night and leave early Monday morning. I was like okay, that was Wednesday night, so Thursday morning we talk and I check my email and he has forwarded me his itenitary. So we talk on/off for the past week, we last talk on Wednesday. His flight was suppose to get her Friday at 8:43, so at 6:49 p.m. I get this text message: "I'm so sorry about tis but I had to cancel my flight because I was gonna miss it do to work. I understand if u don't want to talk to me anymore. It was out of my hands" So I call him to see what's going onand he doesn't answer so I text him back "That's fine! Just call me when you get a chance" Well I handle like I ONLY KNOW how, I am numb, indifferent and kinda hurt. I call my friend that I normally met on Friday nights and tell her I ain't driving and i want to drown my sorows in alcohol. so I get drunk.. I of course drunk dial him and he doesn't answer and I send him a text message that he doesn't respond to. So I send him a IM saying "I am not mad at you" I don't hear from him all day today, so I BUZZ him on IM and then call him.....NOTHING!! So I delet him from everything cause I am so confused and don't know what has happened and could be on the crazy train....I JUST WANT DO IT!!!

So with all that being said I am so confused....A TEXT, really? I haven't heard from you at all, really? you stand me up A SECOND TIME? WTH? I don't even know how to feel, I have been attracted to this guy since I was 17 and everytime I talk to him I get butterflies...its just crazy and I don't even know what do/think/feel/etc. I wasn't mad at him for having something come up with work but I am aggravated by the lack of communication, especially when he "harps" on me opening up and that he wants to learn more about me.

Am I Bi-polar?

I really don't have time to be crazy. As a teenager I use to half joke with my friends about, I think I am bi-polar. You know one of my biggest fears is mental disease, I fear mental disease like I fear lizard and ya'll know a lizard will make me hurt myself. So what has made thought of bi-polar resurface.

I went home this weekend and of course my mother had alot of things recorded for me and one of them being Unsung, ya'll know I love "a where are they now type show" well one of the many I watch was about Phylis Hyhmen (I just murdered her name). She was so talented but suddenly (in her 30's mind you) she started havinng sudden and trastic mood swings. I have always been accussed of being moody and the truth is sometimes I will be in a good mood and someone will say something or do something and it jus sets me off.

For example, before I left to go home my mom and I were getting ready to go, she was doing something and I was trying to tell her where it was and for some reason she was acting like she didn't know what the hell I was saying, I just started screaming at her and then she did it and within 5 mins I was hugger her telling her I love her and I would call her when I get home. The week before the 4th I got up at 5:00 am and went walking, I was in a delightful mood and all was well I was strong about my position on HIM and accepting being alone and spending time with me and then I went to Shreveport and got all depressed and started to miss HIM, and so now he is back (I guess) in the picture. I feel so horrible. The list goes on, my with my erratic behavior.

I just don' t know whats wrong with me......in addition to I am not sleeping right combined with the hella amount of stress at my job(s) combined with not eating right and now i am back on the medication......will it ever stop?


I think thats enough for one sitting... I know I have been gone for a while and I want hit you to hard.

My crazy dream

As you know I am a bit crazy.....and for me to have a crazy dream is not that out of the ordinary. I know I haven't written in a very long time and that's been for so many reasons. You know how when you do/doing some dumb you don't really want to talk about it? Well anyway I will have to catch up on that bit by bit so be patient. I will say this, I deleted him from my phone, my facebook and myspace. But he called me on Saturday (the last time we talked) and pretty asked that add him back to facebook which I did but not really sure why, I guess I felt bad. Okay so to my dream.

When I was a kid my family lived really close to one another, my dad's oldest sister lived down the street and my dad's younger sister lived around the corner. As a kid I would walk down the street to my Aunt D's, my mom would watch me walk down and my aunt would stand on her porch and watch for me. My aunt had this second room, at one point she had a roommate, then before my grandmother died she stayed in that room, and then it was my cousin's room when he was born. Well anyway the room was set up like when my aunt had a roommate, which was before my cousin, before my grandmother, which had to be like the early 80's.

So yesterday I went for my annual visit with my Dr., the nurse hands me the normal gown and then she hands me some socks, this is new. So I am on the table and she pulls out the stirrups and I place my feet on them and I begin to feel a hot tingling sensation in my feet. I say to my Dr., doc. ugh is this thing heated cause if not we may have some more serious things to talk about, me having hot flashes at 30. She just starts to laugh and say yes its heated.

So with those three things come my dream. I dreamt that I was my aunts old house, it was set up just like it use to be in the 80's and what not, but I was an adult. HE was there with my roommate who was in the bathroom. I had just come there and he was there, apparently this was his first time because he was asking me which room was my mine and I said the one on the left (which use to be my aunts room) so he proceeds to go to my roommates room and "make it ready" in my dream I wasn't upset or angry, hell I was actually helping him find stuff. It was really weird, so right before I woke up I threw him a pair of socks which he missed catching and I was like they are by your feet, and he said "You sure are full of energy" and my response was and smirk and laugh while saying "only if you knew" and then I woke up.

One of the reason it was so weird was because the aunts roommate who lived in that room later died of Cancer and my grandmother who stayed in that room died of Cancer as well. I have no ideal what all this means. It was weird that I could hear my roommate talking but have no ideal who she was, in a way I think it was me but the voice I didn't recognize. Their are so many things running through my head on this one...anybody up for translating a dream?

Okay I am gonna try to take a 30 min. nap before I go walking with my neighbor. I will have to tell you all about my health woes in another blog.

You got to have a lil ass hole in you to hang with me....

Okay so I am trying to recover from my cold. I doped myself up last night and felt a bit better this morning. I still have a running nose and like coughing but I am feeling better I will drug up once again tonight and 2morrow night so hopefully I will be 100 for work on monday.

So HIM well its over for now. I am broken hearted but okay. So this is how it went down. Well Monday of this week I was just feeling really wierd. So when we talked I asked him "Dude are you gonna break my heart" he was like huh I was like are you going to hurt me. His response and I quote "What, are you in love with me?" I was like no not yet, but I do like you. Then he said "well if you feel like that then maybe you should take sometime away from me" I was like o, okay. So we chit chat some more and then he tells me that he isn't looking for a relationship, that he just got out of a 5 year off/on relationship and that he doesn't have time, that he has stuff that he want to do, etc., etc. So at this moment I am going to take a page from S23 and write him a letter.

Him ,

There is so much I want to say to you. First let me say I am hurt that this couldn't go any further. Like I explained to you it would make know since for me to hang around spinning my wheels if I know you are try to go where I am. You stated that you aren't looking for a relationship and didn't think I was either. You stated that you never meant to lead me on and that you were very carefully in not doing such. Let me say I never felt you were leading me own, and no initally I wasn't looking for a relationship. But the more I spent time with you the more I wanted to spend more time. Like I said I actually like you for you...I like the way you treated me, I like the things you did for me, I liked the things I learned from you. I mean even when I thought you were an asshole it was okay, when it wasn't okay I would tell you and we would move on. Now I didn't like the fact that I found you to be very guarded (i know the pot calling the kettle black) but now I understand why. You have done nothing wrong but be you, and you shouldn't feel bad because you aren't looking for a relationship. That's your position and I accept it. I am taking you advice and taking sometime away.

Readers I am tired of talking about this right now but I will keep you posted on the latest developments.. This cold is kicking my ass and I need to clean house and wash clothes.

I am okay a little sad but okay.

Making my reservation at heart break hotel

So I am not sure what I have done wrong!!!! This is why I don't get involved and/or attached to people. I think this may be coming to an end soon. A series of events is leading me to think this and I am planning my recovery plan. I haven't had my heart broken in a long time. My last relationship I was more pissed than anything, o and stunned cause it was just so random I didn't see it coming. The relationship before that the guy got married on me and I made him and his now ex-wife if freakin basket. But this one here I have already started crying and I DON'T CRY. I think its a bunch of things. For starters I normally bail on things before they get to this point but for some reason (and I know why) I am sticking it out until HE says its not working for him. I bailed on him like 9 years ago because I was starting to really like him and my close friend at the time was giving me so much grief about him, yes dumb I know, so this is my pay back.....HEART BREAK!!!!

So what has happened. let's see. I think the last time we spoke I was telling you about my abandonment issues. I hate feeling like I have been "left". Well so HE called and I went over and spent the night. I get up the next morning and shower and head to my mom's well before I leave he says "I think your tires are low" and so he pulls out a tire gauge and checks my tires and puts air in them.....okay so that was WONDERFUL...we don't really talk while I am gone to my moms just an occasional text here and there. so i come back that monday and we talk briefly. On Tuesday, I brought dinner because I told him my sorority was doing a fundraiser. This restaruant was given a percentage of the orders placed to one of our non-profits we were volunteering with. So we eat and played Wii and I go home. We talk Wednesday and Thursday we talked. It started Thursday we were talking and he brings up a that he dated a girl 7 years his junior. I ask what do you all have to talk about about and then I asked him when was this? His response was "NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS"... I am like stunned...WTF ??? Well I tell him that I don't appreciate that and how it hurts my feelings and some more stuff.

So now I think we have issues, we hung out friday and it was okay, we were really on the same page but i don't know. then sat. I don't talk to him all day and i ask to come by because i am on his side of town he says no and then i ask if i would see him sunday. he tells me that he hates having to tell me no when i ask to come over, so I say how about I not ask and just wait for you to invite me over, he says no how about you just (not ask so often, I can't remember how he put it but thats what he meant.) I was like okay.....in my mind I was like WHAT!!! Well anyway I talked to him briefly around 7 to see how his day was and thats it. I feel like I am a distraction/liability and this shit is going to be over soon and I don't want it to be.

I know this is a little crazy but sorry!!!!

Would this go under.....

I may have told this story before I am not sure....I had this advisor in college that told the funniest story. She had this cat and she would always talk about how crazy her cat was. So one one day she explained this bizzare behavior of her cat to the vet. She told the vet that when she comes back from being out of time or gone for a extended period of time when she got back the cat would just go bizerck and but after a day or two the cat would go back to normal. She would like almost freak out when she would come back. So the vet told her the cat isn't crazy it just thinks that when you are gone like that that you are dead so its starts it mourning and the you show up and it gets all freaked out. I share that story to say I think I am alot like that cat any unexplained absences from a significant other freaks me out. I think this goes under abandonment issues. So what's going through my mind, so after HE changed my oil yesterday we went our separate ways he went to his house and I went to mine. Well I mentioned that I wanted to stay the night tonight since we both were off. Now in my mind i was gonna stay the night and get up in the morning and head to my mom's, from there. Well we exchange text and I told him I would call when I leave and so I called his house and cell phone and no answer then i texted him no response. Okay i know i know i know....but I HATE WHEN I GET NO RESPONSE FROM PEOPLE......it makes me feel lonely, abandoned and ignored and it all reminds me of my dad.....

I can't say its insecurity because I don't the thought of him being with someone else is not a concern, hell if he was it would account for the NO response and for some crazy reason I would feel better knowing that. See this is why I don't do relationships because I have to much baggage. as i type this he is calling me.....and all of a sudden i feel better!!!

I CONFESS I AM CRAZY!!!!!

He's amazing.....

Okay I just have one thing to say.....he's amazing. Weekend before last I was fussing because I took my car to Firestone, where I always take it to have an oil change, I dropped it off and went to church and to eat with my family, 5 hours later when I got back they hadn't touched my car, in addition to that I had to drive back to Baton Rouge. So I mentioned it to HIM, (made a wrong turn back there) and he says don't worry about it I will change it for you. I said okay so the week went by and I was like I'll be damned if by the time I leave to go back home for Easter and my oil hadn't been change I will take care of it myself. Well we were talking and he was like I didn't know you were going home for Easter I was like yeah I am gonna leave Friday and come back Monday. So Sunday he invites me to go to Sam's with him because he knows I want to go and price TV's for my lil girl so while we are in there he picks up a case of oil, I am like what are you gonna do with all of that, he like its for our cars. Long story short....yo' gurl just got her oil changed. I bought the oil because my car takes a different kinda of oil than his and he changed it and even showed me stuff under my hood. I love a handy man........

I can't say I am in love but shit I do love the way he treats me and makes me feel....He's amazing!!!

So his birthday is coming up next month and I am trying to figure out what to get him/do for his birthday. I have some ideals but I need to sit on them for a minute and get back to you on them.

2 things that bugged me this morning....

I have been meaning to tell you all about the candy man....there is this dude that stands in front of the courthouse everyday, he is there when I get to work (8:30 - 9:00) and is there when I leave for lunch (that time varies) My first annoyance is that all is sells is chocolate, yeah The world's finest, you know the school fundraiser candy, and who in the hell wants a damn candy bar at 8:30 a.m. can a sista get some fruits, a egg sandwich, a bowl of grits, hell its cold how about some hot chocolate. I mean really!!! I just want to scream when I see him in the morning, "I got candy bars for sale" I just want to say "WHY??" its not even snack time yet.

my second annoyance is ......okay my boss had this great ideal to move us to the 4th floor, which is the same floor and probation and parole and where they do drug testing ( i will have to tell you about my glorified typewriter later) well anyway, why do people think that when the come for a drug test they have to smell like drugs? I mean hell today I think I got a contact high.

okay I think that is it for now.....take care.


I know I know I have alot of pieces to put together for you, hopefully I will do that in time.

Not since Feb.

I a sure by now I have lost all my readers (LOL, all three of you guys). I am so sorry but I will say I have be SUPER BUSY! Lets see I started a second part-time job and I met someone.

So let's talk about the part time gig, well you all know I am teaching online which is part of the reason I haven't been around but the second job is with an attorney working with. I haven't been getting out of there til around 6 pm and I have Delta advisor commitments and I have decided to join Jr. League. So with all that my head has been spinning.

Oh and last week I was rear ended.

Okay so to the Man, lets see we will call him "Wrong turn back there somewhere" (WTBTS). Okay he is amazing and he's and weird asshole. Okay I can't really explain the weird asshole part but I have to keep it balanced. He is amazing so let pray I don't fuck this up, again. I actually "dated" him in college but for my own crazy reasons I stopped talking to him. I have been pushing myself to say around and not run away and I must say just when I am thinking of running away I come back and he does something amazing. I am not really hard to please I love attention, affection (in private, not really comfortable with public display of affection) and thoughtfulness. Just yesterday, I deleted him from my phone, WHY? Because my insecurities got the best of me, but he texts me and wants to know if I want to go somewhere with him that I had mentioned earlier and I was all better.

Ladies and Gentleman I have a confession....Freespeech 22 has some insecurities when it comes to men. Speaking of my men in securities....my ex boyfriend is out of jail, I have not yet run into him. Thank you Father!!!! but a friend of mine has......

What else....nothing much March was just a busy month for me between my 1 full-time job, 2 part-time jobs, Delta and Jr. League out of my mind busy.

Renaissance Woman

Today my boss called me a renaissance woman, it made me feel kinda good. I personally think I am pretty boring she would disagree. So what's going on you may ask well.

This weekend I went to see the "lil" girl. I got home Friday after picking up my cousin on the way. He, myself and my aunt wen to eat and chatted for a bit, afterwards I came back to her house and did some work followed by going home and catching up on some TV my mom had recorded for me. So my lil girl gets home and we talk a bit, watch a little TV and the go to bed. While I was away my lil girl bought me to pair of really cute shoes that I was eyeing while I was home for Christmas. Well my new (lazy) thing is that when I go home to not pack just take all my dirty clothes home and was and figure out something amongst what I have. With the shoes my mom bought me and the ones I had on something had to work. Well Saturday, I am awaken by my crazy ass BFF and we talk and what not, I then get up and start washing and watching TV. My youngest cousin on my mother's side had her baby shower so once my little girl got off work we did the family thing. Then we went back to the store where she bought my shoes just to look and I walked out with a $3 skirt, $9 skirt, $12 dress, and 2 pairs of $9 shoes. Talk about a sale and for those that know me know I am not a shopper but I couldn't leave them. I was so excited that I didn't even try on the shoes. Well I get home and try them on and low and be hold one of them was do small. For the longest i have worn a 7.5 or 8 shoe and now my foot wants to grow and be an 8 or 8.5..... Well after church I exchanged the7.5 for 8.5 and the 8 I just keep so i am packing up my car and something tells me to look at my shoes my mom bought me and try them on ugh one pair i wore to church and the other was TO SMALL...so I had to exchange them too.
So my cousin and I head back.

I signed up for this reading program at the library and the first book we are doing is a lessen before dying, well knew i wasn't gonna have time to read it while I was away and someone suggested i do books on CD...where has this been I did 6 of 7 CD going home and back and finished the last CD last night while cleaning. I am so ready because Ernest Gaines is coming to town to talk about the book and I finished it I know need to get started on the next one.

Random thought: I got paid Friday and looked at my vacation and noticed I was getting close to my maximum and started freaking out...cause once you get to the max you loose them and i was against loosing days...that like working for free. So I went through my calendar and decided I was gonna take some days if I didn't do anything but sit on my ass. LOL!!!

Okay i think that is all right now. will chat later

All the rage...

Okay so I hang out on facebook and lately all the rage has been random 25 things about you so I did it but once I got started I couldn't stop so here are 31 randome things about me.

1.) People say growing up I was always smiling, my smile was referred to as a Kool-Aid smile (thanks Tonya)

2.) In college I thought I was going to go from Nikki to Dani, but some reason I am referred to as Danielle “Nikki” Brown by people who went to college with me (thanks Terri and Kenya)

3.) I love to dance but never stick with it…I am ballet drop-out, modern drop-out, jazz drop-out, tap drop-out and most recently a belly dance drop-out. ( I think my ballet teacher played some part in that, I have been scared ever since); I was even on an all-star dance team

4.) I was a cheerleading (9th -12th grade, Co-Capt. in 9th and 12th grade), those who know me now find that so hard to believe

5.) I love my little girl, my mother; at some point in my life the roles reversed and now I am the mother and she is the daughter; people say she is my twin

6.) I struggle everyday not to hate my father, about a year ago I came to peace with my daddy issues, now I just struggle not to hate him….oh and people say he is my twin when we are together (but I don’t for see that happening ever again)

7.) If I was not my mother’s daughter, I would have been a stripper in college and law school (hell Sallie Mae is kicking my ass) and would be tattooed up like it wasn’t anybodies business, however my mother whips out the Bible and turns to Leviticus every time I mention or she thinks I am thinking about getting inked.

8.) I have the strangest taste in men; you have to know me to know what I am talking about. It’s the craziest things that I find attractive, like calf muscles (Take the wheel Jesus); arms (there was this police officer that I just wanted to bit his arms they were just like large apples) okay TMI sorry.

9.) I haven’t had a drink of alcohol since July 08’, now if I can make it through Mardi Gras, I am officially DONE with the spirits

10.) Tuesday, January 25, 2000 was a day that changed my life, however I wouldn’t realize it until years later

11.) By the time I had gotten to college I wasn’t really interested in a lot of things people are while in college, hell I had done it all in high school……We must remember I enforce the law now….

12.) When I was in kindergarten I locked myself in the lockers trying to play a joke on my teacher, well the joke was on my…I think I had a nervous breakdown and have been claustorophic ever since.

13.) One of my biggest fears is to not have control

14.) When I see people who knew me growing up they always find it hysterical that I am a lawyer

15.) I am shy, I really don’t like people and social events or networking…..I feel like a prostitute, as if I am selling my soul…cause I would rather be at home

16.) I LOVE TO SLEEP

17.) I HATE BEING COLD

18.) Large crowds of people make me uncomfortable

19.) I have a secret desire to be pregnant….now let me clarify I want to be pregnant for 9 months, breast feed for another year and be done….and I also want a reception (not a wedding), my friends say it isn’t possible (don’t want to raise anybody, just be fluffy)

20.) I love history and old shit

21.) I have this secret fascination with Cuba, Afghanistan, Zaire (Lumumba, Mobutu) and Judaism and the whole Middle East conflict……unfortunately I don’t have the time or energy to feed my fancy

22.) I love being around people who I think are smarter than me….I am a parasite/sponge I love learning new things, stuff I didn’t know

23.) When I was in the 8th my Adv. Social Studies teacher showed this cartoon in class and it depicted black people black as tar, with big red lips….not really sure of its significance but every since then I hated being in Advanced or Pre-AP or AP classes….(the only people who thought this may have been offensive were (Kristy and John, thanks guys);

24.) In 6th grade, I decided that my table would accentuate the positive, meaning that the girl that was good at handwriting would do everyone’s handwriting, the girl that would good at math would do all the math, the girl that was good at spelling would do all the spelling and so forth…I was accused of cheating and now people pay/make good money for dividing up task…I still don’t like my 6th grade teacher to this day, that wasn’t the only time she accused me of cheating , she said I cheated on my science test (just cause I drew a fucking diagram of fission and fusion) BITCH…

25.) I am a neat freak/anal/straight to the point/Bitch

26.) I am on a roll now…..When I was younger I wanted to be: a lawyer, a politician, an archeologist, a sociologist, a pshycairist, a physiologist, a robotic engineer, Robin Given’s character from Boomerang, and just a random person that had a random job

27.) I am a horrible speller

28.) My last year or so of college, I was the “Commissioner of Fun”

29.) I have always worked, I had a job at 15…I have at major points in my life had 2 jobs, summer before my freshman year in college, while on line, after graduation from college, after graduation from law school….so I have zero tolerance for people who don’t work

30.) I have zero tolerance for people who use their upbringing as an excuse for why they commit crimes or are in jail….cause I know better.

31.) Okay this is the last one…I had the biggest crush on J.C. Watts, my BFF volunteer for the Republican Party in Hawaii and got me a nice size photo of him. I remember when she sent it to me I was in heaven….I mean Micheal Steele is nice but he ain’t got nothing on Julius Ceasar Watts.

100 Post

I just logged in and realized I have posted 100 blog....wow!!!! This is a milestone, isn't it should I have a party or something?

This week

This week was rather cool..Monday I felt like I was allover the place. But Tuesday was good i went to church, our pastor didn't lead Bible Study but an associate minister. One of the guys on the media ministry said something really interesting to me he said "you sure are hard on yourself". I never thought I was or that was true, but maybe it is . Is that a bad thing? Well anyway so on Wednesday I chilled nothing major happened. Thursday I went to a social and was actually social. I know you all want believe it, but I am a bit anti-social. I am on the volunteer committee for the local bar and we are trying to recruit new member well in talking with some of the old members I found out that we had more in common than just being lawyers. Friday was interesting, I left work and came home took a nap and did some work with the Delta's . Today I went to a Delta program and came home and rested did a little work and exercised. I have officially watched 2 whack moves "Deception" and "I know who killed me". I am gonna have a snack and go to be

A whole week later.....

I know I said I was going to finish last weekend, so before I go into my week I will finish telling you aobut last weekend. So I told you all about Friday.

Saturday
Well Saturday I got up and went to an investiture of a judge that one district court here. She was a city court judge and I had to practice in front of her. I really never enjoyed practicing in front of her because she seemed to undermine the entire criminal justice system. I am going to try to write from her view point as well as mine. So her view point--- she believes she is helping people by not putting them in jail. All they really need is someone to take time with them and give them attention. Jail isn't the answer. If I only make a different in one persons life than my job here is done. i want to be there friend not there judge.
My viewpoint WHAT THE FUCK!!!! friend not judge, this is not a social club we have a courtroom full of people and pages of cases to handle. Basic lessons here people "leave other peoples stuff alone", "keep your hands off of each other" and just say no to drugs otherwise I am trying to put your ass in jail. I am not a social worker and I really don't care what HAD happened. You have a right to a lawyer (though it not my fault your lawyer is horrible).
Now I know it sounds harsh, but when I was a public defender we were SERIOUS about our job, yes mind you I dealt with felons and these are only misdemanors. I just think everyone should do there job. Whereas the judge thinks that since I know the PD is HORRIBLE I should take time and work with the people. BULLSHIT!!! the PD needs to be fired and somebody that is compatent should replace them, else shits gonna happen. I know you are thinking DAMN freespeech...but I hate people who don't take there job serious and don't challenge me. (YES its about me now) but seriously if I come with my A game I need you to come with your A game, not your Y game. Well anyway back to the investiture it was at the judges church and it began with an african dance troupe to usher in the spirit. It was amazing followed by speakers and presentations, it was nice I felt kind of bad seeing that I am somewhat indifferent to the fact that she is leaving City Court. Well anyway I came home and changed clothes and went grocery shopping and ran some other errands.

Sunday
I got up an went to church. I then went to a Roe v. Wade celebration. It was sponsored by Planned Parenthood and it was celebrating the 36th anniversary. It is something that Iwould have never done if I weren't invited. It was called voices, it was different woman speaking reading expercpt about other woman's expereiences with abortions. It was really interesting, I even ran into my Women and Gender Studies professor from college. I also ran into a lady who's campaign i worked on while in law school (actually she was the one who invited me.) Well before I left to go my neighbor called me and said she had something for me. I told her that I had somewhere to go and that I would call her when I get back. Well as I was driving back home, I saw her headed out for her walk and so she waited for me and we walked. So when we got back she had bought a picture at hobby lobby for me. I was kinda wierd but nice, I guess the fact that I hadn't done any decorating. So we put the picture up in my bedroom moved some furniture around in my front room and living room and not its looks like somebody may actually live here.

So that was my weekend...(last week)

Coming full circle

I have been meaning to blog, especially about this past weekend.

So Friday I go see Angela Davis, Saturday I go to a investiture, Sunday I go to Roe v. Wade celebration, Monday I baked lasagna, and today I went to my bosses father's funeral. I think my approach to this blog will be day by day.

Friday
It was a busy day so I thought it would be, I planned on going to work, leaving work around 1:30 and going on campus to hear Angela Davis speak for MLK, picking up my dry cleaning and coming home wash my hair or wash clothes get up and go out (yes I said go out) and hear the New Birth Brass Band from New Orleans. Well instead my day went like this. I did go to work, I left around1:45 got to campus couldn't find a parking spot, made a parking spot and rushed in to hear Angela Davis speak. I remember thinking her speech was full circle she went from Barak to MLK, to the civil rights march really being the freedom march a killing that happened in Oakland, back to MLK's dream not being fulfilled by Obama and everything in between. While there I ended up standing next to one of my facilitators from the Race Dialogue. She asked if I could sign up for the advanced session that she was facilitating. Of course I said sure, even though I have already signed up for a course with the library that will be going on, on the same day. The advanced class is from 5:30- 7:30 and the library class is from 7-9, I have no ideal how I am going to work this out. But I want to do both. Well after I left campus I picked up my dry cleaning I spent over $50 on dry cleaning, I guess that isn't that bad since may be the 3rd or 2nd time I have been to the dry cleaners since I moved hear in March. After that I came home and decided I need to go to the bank. One thing about where I leaving I can pretty much walk anywhere. So I walked to a service center for my credit union (maybe a block or 2 away). I had to get some exercise in some way. I came home and decided I need a nap. Well that was that for going out cause once I got up I talked to my BFF all night and went back to bed. Oh, I forgot to mention I brought cheesecake to my job (2 that i made a plain one and a caramel one).

I will do another blog for Saturday.

Coming full circle

My answers

S23- had this post called the interview and these are the question she sent me and my response.

Sorry I am pretty boring.


1. Have you ever gone on a blind date? If so, how'd that turn out?

NO, I think my friends are afraid to hook me up with anyone, cause they know me.

2. Who's that "one that got away?"

UGH, I don’t know. A couple of people come to mind. 1.) Marques- but maybe that was for my own good. It has taken me forever to come that that realization. I didn’t realize until a long time after it was over how manipulative he was, I thought he was the one. We had planned our lives together; I was going to prolong my graduation for another semester, so we could graduate together. We were going to move to St. Louis so he could go to grad school and I would go to law school (I guess or support him while he did grad school). And I would live happily ever after- but then he lost his mind. 2.) Myles- he hasn’t gone anywhere and that’s part of the problem. As much as I love him, I can’t be with him because he doesn’t have follow through. I think he may have finally gotten it, but only time will tell. But he’s still my bestest friend. If I can find a man with his qualities minus the deal breakers it would be so ON. Actually, I think the answer is I haven’t met him, cause for the most part I have open lines of communication with most of the people I have occupied time with and though I may think about them occasionally, I get over it.

3. What hairstyle from the past are you most embarrassed about?

I am pretty conservative and my mother really wasn’t going for anything outrageous. I remember wanting a curl and she was against it. I didn’t get braids for the first time until I was in college. Hell and that’s the only time I have had weave. A freeze when I was in jr. high I had the freeze that was lifted for homecoming and I did finger waves once. Other than that it’s been pretty boring.

4. Who could "get it" anytime/anyplace? (famous or not)

Ugh, I am on The Wire fix right about now so---Stringer Bell, Avon Barksdale, Marlo, Cheese, Bodie, Daniels and the 2 other cops (black guys that worked with Daniels). Let’s just say if the Wire ever has a reunion show I am so the groupie for you.

5. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
My father……..

In a weird place.....

I am in a weird place right now....I just finished watching The Bucket list and of course I cried. Before that I watch The Perfect Holiday and I watch Kung Fu Panda and Season 4 of the wire. I am not sure whats going on with me. I am sad but at peace, if that makes any sense. I can't really explain it.

So I am sure you are wondering why I am at home this weekend. I was intially suppose to go to Austin to visit a friend from college, but one of the girls backed out and then I started feeling ill so I choose not to go. I no I said my New Years resolution was to do better and I really do plan on it. I said I am gonna fight my social anxiety and just go out by myself. I really don't have a problem being out by myself, cause I always seem to run into people I know, but gets me is without liquor. I really don't have a desire to drink, but when I think about going out I think of a nice drink in my hand listening to great music, guess I am gonna have to make that drink a shirley temple or pineapple juice with out the rum.

I have no ideal what I am doing for MLK, I really should do something productive. I mean other than stay in my house/bed and watch movies and grade papers or bill. I had a thought the other day that really came out of nowhere its gonna sound crazy but I don't remeber where I but I think I was driving and it just came to me"God is going to take care of it". Now what is it you may be asking. I am been stressing about money, what else is new. I just got my annual "raise" and I am fine. But I am not where I want to be, for some reason I can't save like I want. I want to save $60,000 in the next 3 years ($20,000) a year, how I have no earthly ideal. I thought about getting another part-time/night gig, but I don't have peace about that. And the last time I had a second job, will tell you about that latter. I am just on the is "freaked out" mode. I am like I need to have a "stash" cause I only have this one income, I need to be able to take care of myself when I get old in the event I can't work for a while or something happens and my mother can't work or etc. etc. I am like damn near neuotic.

I digress.....I was flipping to my pages of Jet and Steve Harvey is writing a book think like a man act like a woman. I am so guilty of not doing that. I think like a man, act like a man. We was talking about women who don' t allow men to be men, like paying for meals and things like that. I have been guilty of emasculating a man. I use to have this motto "anything I need from a man, I can buy, borrow or do myself". I have really tried not to think like that, but its so much easier to do that. I have never been that person wo saw themselves, better yet you guys remember the Robin Givens character from Boomerang, I saw wanted to be her. A super bitch.....

This pass week was pretty something. There was this guy, that I have admired from afar. He is good friends with a friend of mines husband. To tell you how long I have admired this guy, I remeber becoming fond of him at my friends daugthers' 1st birthday, I think this September her daughter will be 5. Well anyway I ran into him at an investuture for the ad hoc judge, I left all gitty (you know I didn't stay long) like a school girl. I called my friend to tell her and guess what she says "HE'S ENGAGED". You know the last krush I had got engaged. Well it appears that the days to come are gonna be busy.

S23 sent me a list of question I am suppose to answer, but I forgot the rules so let me do that before I get a not so "friendly reminder".

An empty testimonial experience....

Okay that is just a phrase I heard in court yesterday and I liked it. So what's going on? It's a new year, happy new year to all. Today is my cousin's 20th birthday. So whats going on with me, nothing much. I am proud to say that I have done some activity in an effort to bring sexy back. On Sunday night I did some bedtime stretches, that Monday morning I walked a block in my neighborhood and that night I did some ab and baked fish with mash potatoes and carrot ( i know that sounds like a nasty combo) it was alright, I need to cook the carrots cause I had open the package already. Tuesday, I did some yoga after church, Wednesday I stayed in court all day, I didn't get out until like 6:30 (hence the title, it sums up my day) I was so tired when I got home I was in my bed for 8 pm. This morning I got up around 6 am and walked a block in my neighborhood and got to work early (actually its what time I should get here, but never do). Now I have eaten lunch and blogging. I have a hair appoint cause YO' GURL needs some chemicals.

Okay so how was every one's holiday. I think the last time we talked was around Christmas Eve. Well I left work around 11 am (cause my boss left and I didn't see the need in staying if the "the man" wasn't here). Hung out with my family, did church and a movie on Christmas. Saw 7 pounds, I am not really sure how I feel about it. For those that haven't seen it take some tissue and for those that have please let me know what you thought. My mother and I did somethings around the house pack up Christmas being one of the things, we donated somethings to the Providence House (shelter for the needy), put up a third bed in the spare room in the house, I cleaned up a bit, I even went through some boxes of stuff she had taken out of storage it was stuff from high school (like my old cheer leading uniform, which I didn't even attempt to try on), I ran across old photos, but the one that got me was one from Girls State. I so didn't look like myself, I was crackhead skinny. I had on some Adidas (the soccer style tennis), the big socks that were slouched down (cause I thought they made me looking kinda sporty) some jean shorts and a t-shirt and a hat (Girl State issued of course). It was to funny and kinda sad, not sure where all this body came from that i have now but YO' Gurl is working on it.

Well that Tuesday my mother came back "home" with me and we did a little shopping I needed to pick up somethings from wal-mart cause I told one of the guys at church that i would bake him a cake (sour cream pound cake) for Wednesday. I thought my church was having watch nite but they weren't so I ended up going to church on Tuesday for media ministry's hour of prayer (just for the record I don't sing or pray out loud), so i read the scripture and prayed to myself. On Wednesday I made an appearance at work and then had lunch with one of my colleagues so that she could meet my mother. It was great, after we went church that evening for testimony service and then to the house. I had a party that night, in my neighborhood. It was really cool, I LOVE MY NEIGHBORHOOD, hopefully one day the Lord will place me enough to by a place in my neighborhood. We had what is called a progressive party, hors d' oeuvres at on person's house, then main course at another house, then dessert at another and then to the Capitol to ring the bell to bring in the new year. I meet people in the neighborhood it was really good. We rang in the new year and I am happy to announce that it was all in walking distance and I did it alcohol free. I am happy to report I have not had a drink since July 08' now if I can only make it through mardi gras.

The next day we went out and did a little shopping, I am also happy to announce that YO' GURL can now purchase her bra's at Lane Bryant and not some random specialty shop. (plus they have sales and coupons). I bought my mother a digital camera and the portable printer and do you know what she had the nerve to say "I guess now I can start looking for my flat screen", ABSOLUTELY NOT. A flat screen is not in the current budget, I have a trip to Vegas that is the next major "purchase" in the budget. She better go sit down somewhere, and this is why I am not rushing on the kid front I have a grown ass child on my hands....my lil' girl.

Well as for my new year's resolutions I only made one and that is to "DO BETTER", which means I am gonna do better than I did last year and the first thing on my list is, I am going to Austin to visit a friend from college during MLK weekend (no its not in the budget but I will make it work----now if you all don't hear from me in a while you know they don' gon' and turnt my letric' off...LOL!! no but seriously. I am doing better.

I guess I will stop chatting with you on the man's time take care.