Little Rock Central

Okay I find myself looking forward to my blog, not sure how many people actually are reading but that is cool cause I am still trying to find my rhythm.

Yesterday was the 50 year celebration of the integration of the 9 student into Little Rock Central High School. Whenever someone says something about L.R. Central I have mixed emotions. I understand and appreciate the contributions of the those 9 individuals who sacrificed for integration, but I am somewhat hurt and angered at the warped interpretation that school desegregation has taken, particularly based on my experience with the schools of Little Rock and Pulaski County. What am I talking about you may ask.

Well I grew up about 20 miles north of Little Rock in a suburban town called Jacksonville. The interesting thing about the ville was that most towns past us (Cabot, Lonake, Ward) were rural and predominately white, actually Cabot had one bi-racial guy and that was it for color. In addition J-ville was home to the LR Air Force Base which brought in so much diversity. J-ville has a population of about 30,000 people about 30% black. Well anyway, I grew up there 5th- 12th grade and then my Freshman year in college my mom moves back to LA.

The schools there were different from where I grew up elementary was K-6, Jr. High was 7-9 and high school was 10 - 12. Well my 9th grade year we were getting ready for high school selecting classes and what not the Little Rock School District decided that they wanted to recruit student from Pulaski County school district in order to comply with school desegregation plans. Now mind you Little Rock's public school was needed more majority students in there public schools many affluent whites were not sending there kids to the public schools. So what LR decided to do was create "magnet" programs to attract students to there school, Park view was and Arts&Science Magnet, McClellan was a Business Magnet, and then Central was an International Studies (social science) Magnet. Well when I heard of the recruitment that was going on I was so excited cause I could possibly go to Central this historic school with this excellent magnet program that would open so many doors for me with college. well my Pre-
AP English teacher Ms. Martin read the the information and talked about the Field trip and I was so excited. Well as she read she came across some language referring to the demographics of individuals they were interested in recruiting translation WHITE, they had enough black kids in this school they need some whites and the draw was these exceptional programs and exposure you couldn't get at your local school. Well as time neared and my classmates were talking about this it was revealed to me that I couldn't go. I guess this is were I tell you I was the only minority in this class and I think in any of the Pre-AP programs. So imagine being singled out (once again) and told you can not go on the field trip more or less because you are black. Not only was I embarrassed but I was also devastated my dream of going to Central was crushed. While my classmates went on this field trip I had to sit in study hall and do absolutely nothing cause all my classes were pretty much canceled cause everyone was gone on a filed trip. I honestly don't remember what they did but I recall sitting in the Cafe with my principal (who was black) and my Pre-AP English teacher (who was black as well) and they looking at me and I remembering thing Dear God please open up this floor and swallow me whole and then thinking why did you make me black and smart.

I must say that my teacher suggest prior to them leaving for the trip that I bring this "injustice" to my mother's attention and make them account for this overt racism. Hell even if they weren't going to accept me they could have at least let me go on the tour and let me apply and politely denied me (hell I wasn't a straight A student) now I was an A/B student with occasional Cs.

So why didn't I tell my mother, well at some point in her life my mother became "crazy", like D'Militant crazy and I just couldn't handle more crap. My black friends who already accused me of wanting to be white thought it was funny that my smart black ass couldn't go on the field trip and had to stay and sit in study hall, my teacher's seemed to be either oblivious or paralyzed by the situation and to have my crazy ass mother come up their and raise all kinds of holy hell was just not going to happen. Hell my mother doesn't watch movies that don't have black people in it regardless of the subject matter (hell it can be Schindler's List- a movie where you don't expect to see a black person), to this day we don't have cable because when we lived in AR (like 11 years ago) the cable company decided that they would only show BET from like 7 pm to 7am, she believes Dancing with the Stars is racist because last year when she tried to vote for Lali Ali they wouldn't let her use all votes, she believes that everyone is picking on O.J. and Ron Mexico cause they are black (never acknowledging they may have done something wrong) oh I could go on. So I just had to suffer in silence cause I couldn't risk letting my mother loose on a true social injustice cause she is CRAZY.....

Well to add to this hurt a I can think of two people off the top of my head who were any any Pre-AP or advanced classes who got in. One played basketball and the other was a cheerleader. Who because they made the 'team' were allowed to attend the school. Now I ran track (I was okay) and I cheer (I was pretty good) but it never occurred to me to try out for there cheer leading team or track team (who do you do that) so that I could get in a public school. And once again I couldn't talk to my mother about this cause she is CRAZY. I should note that neither stayed at the school to graduate they both came back for whatever reason to J-ville.

So when I hear about the great things going on at Central, how culturally diverse it is, how its one of the top schools in the country.....I must admit a wave of hate comes over me. Don't get me wrong I appreciate the Little Rock 9 but the misinterpretation of desegregation by the LR School District and its personal application to me just really hurts.

Random Thought and Question

Is there something wrong with me.

I was talking with one of my friends and we were trying to figure out our next trip. I am the ultimate planning (its almost OCD) and my friends call me there travel agent. So anyway we were shooting the shit about our next excursion and I suggested we meet in Baton Rouge and go the the LSU v. Arkansas game then go down to New Orleans and do Bayou Classic. So I called my friend who works for Arkansas Athletic to see if she could get tickets and how much, she responds $50 a piece, then I check on Classic Tickets those are $50 a piece, then I looked at the hotel it was like $200 a night. So being the "goof" that I am I started looking at the budget and thinking how much would I need to really enjoy myself and not be penny pinching (which makes for a bad trip) so I decided to cancel the trip, cause I could move my numbers around to accommodate my budget and a budget for this trip.

The problem....sometimes I get so focus on being fiscally responsible that I lose focus. I don't do anything. Like when I was paying all my credit cards off and getting my credit in line, I went into to financial anorexia. I think I need help, if I spend money that I didn't budget for I get sad and depressed. Where is the happy medium.

So many thoughts......

Okay, let's work our way back. I am currently sitting at my desk just getting to work (yes I got here at 11:45 ish) and just finished eating lunch and about to go to the "Country Club" (jail) and visit some clients. I morning started late I went and to the gym and did weights (trying to bring sexy back for 30). Then I had to deal with our homeowners association. My home owners association makes me sick, we have one home owner who hasn't paid a red cent she is like $2500 behind, then we have one homeowner who says she doesn't owe the amount reflected on her statement but when I ask her to provide me with something proving her position she has NOTHING, then we have one old as woman with to much time on her hands who just does stuff (she doesn't know her role and i don't have the time nor patience to put her in her place).

Well yesterday I started playing with my budget and thinking on some things.... I am getting ready to purchase a new car and couldn't decide on what I wanted as of now I am looking at a Ford Fusion. I also began thinking about my savings/retirement. I set a goal to actually start saving money but now i want it to GROW and GROW and GROW. I decided that I would start basic and save $1200 but the end of the year. I am on track so far but I am trying to figure whats the next step. I have it in an online account that has like 5.14% interest (thanks Serenity for the tip) so I am gonna let it sit there until I figure out what to do with it. Any thoughts..

What else......a couple of weeks ago I was asked to consider joining a book club. Is anyone a member of one how does it work? I know the general premise is to read a book and be prepared to discuss is that it?

This is crazy I had so many thoughts and questions but as soon as I sat down to blog about them the got up (from my mind) and left me.

Okay I guess I will go to the jail and visit the "public" I am sure I will have something to entertain you all with after that.

until then Be strong and Be encouraged.

First Entry

Okay, I have been putting this off and off and off and off so I figured I would follow in my LS footsteps and began blogging officially. Who am I and what is this all about. Well I am Freespeech22. I was giving that name my my line sisters because of some things that transpired during our intake process with Delta Sigma Theta. I am 29 years old, I have no kids nor a husband. I have my mother who I refer to as my little girl and my father. My family is somewhat dysfunctional but hey what family isn't in time you will here about all those wonderful stories. But i want take you to fast to soon.

Lets see what's going on with me i am Public Defender in the great state famous for Jena 6 and Hurricane Katrina, for those who have lived a life of seclusion that Louisiana. I grew up in Arkansas which provided it own life lesson and experience.

What do I hope to accomplish with this blog. Just a venue to jot down my thoughts, hold myself accountable and organize with chaotic monster I call my life.

I think that is all for now I may be back later.