Little Rock Central

Okay I find myself looking forward to my blog, not sure how many people actually are reading but that is cool cause I am still trying to find my rhythm.

Yesterday was the 50 year celebration of the integration of the 9 student into Little Rock Central High School. Whenever someone says something about L.R. Central I have mixed emotions. I understand and appreciate the contributions of the those 9 individuals who sacrificed for integration, but I am somewhat hurt and angered at the warped interpretation that school desegregation has taken, particularly based on my experience with the schools of Little Rock and Pulaski County. What am I talking about you may ask.

Well I grew up about 20 miles north of Little Rock in a suburban town called Jacksonville. The interesting thing about the ville was that most towns past us (Cabot, Lonake, Ward) were rural and predominately white, actually Cabot had one bi-racial guy and that was it for color. In addition J-ville was home to the LR Air Force Base which brought in so much diversity. J-ville has a population of about 30,000 people about 30% black. Well anyway, I grew up there 5th- 12th grade and then my Freshman year in college my mom moves back to LA.

The schools there were different from where I grew up elementary was K-6, Jr. High was 7-9 and high school was 10 - 12. Well my 9th grade year we were getting ready for high school selecting classes and what not the Little Rock School District decided that they wanted to recruit student from Pulaski County school district in order to comply with school desegregation plans. Now mind you Little Rock's public school was needed more majority students in there public schools many affluent whites were not sending there kids to the public schools. So what LR decided to do was create "magnet" programs to attract students to there school, Park view was and Arts&Science Magnet, McClellan was a Business Magnet, and then Central was an International Studies (social science) Magnet. Well when I heard of the recruitment that was going on I was so excited cause I could possibly go to Central this historic school with this excellent magnet program that would open so many doors for me with college. well my Pre-
AP English teacher Ms. Martin read the the information and talked about the Field trip and I was so excited. Well as she read she came across some language referring to the demographics of individuals they were interested in recruiting translation WHITE, they had enough black kids in this school they need some whites and the draw was these exceptional programs and exposure you couldn't get at your local school. Well as time neared and my classmates were talking about this it was revealed to me that I couldn't go. I guess this is were I tell you I was the only minority in this class and I think in any of the Pre-AP programs. So imagine being singled out (once again) and told you can not go on the field trip more or less because you are black. Not only was I embarrassed but I was also devastated my dream of going to Central was crushed. While my classmates went on this field trip I had to sit in study hall and do absolutely nothing cause all my classes were pretty much canceled cause everyone was gone on a filed trip. I honestly don't remember what they did but I recall sitting in the Cafe with my principal (who was black) and my Pre-AP English teacher (who was black as well) and they looking at me and I remembering thing Dear God please open up this floor and swallow me whole and then thinking why did you make me black and smart.

I must say that my teacher suggest prior to them leaving for the trip that I bring this "injustice" to my mother's attention and make them account for this overt racism. Hell even if they weren't going to accept me they could have at least let me go on the tour and let me apply and politely denied me (hell I wasn't a straight A student) now I was an A/B student with occasional Cs.

So why didn't I tell my mother, well at some point in her life my mother became "crazy", like D'Militant crazy and I just couldn't handle more crap. My black friends who already accused me of wanting to be white thought it was funny that my smart black ass couldn't go on the field trip and had to stay and sit in study hall, my teacher's seemed to be either oblivious or paralyzed by the situation and to have my crazy ass mother come up their and raise all kinds of holy hell was just not going to happen. Hell my mother doesn't watch movies that don't have black people in it regardless of the subject matter (hell it can be Schindler's List- a movie where you don't expect to see a black person), to this day we don't have cable because when we lived in AR (like 11 years ago) the cable company decided that they would only show BET from like 7 pm to 7am, she believes Dancing with the Stars is racist because last year when she tried to vote for Lali Ali they wouldn't let her use all votes, she believes that everyone is picking on O.J. and Ron Mexico cause they are black (never acknowledging they may have done something wrong) oh I could go on. So I just had to suffer in silence cause I couldn't risk letting my mother loose on a true social injustice cause she is CRAZY.....

Well to add to this hurt a I can think of two people off the top of my head who were any any Pre-AP or advanced classes who got in. One played basketball and the other was a cheerleader. Who because they made the 'team' were allowed to attend the school. Now I ran track (I was okay) and I cheer (I was pretty good) but it never occurred to me to try out for there cheer leading team or track team (who do you do that) so that I could get in a public school. And once again I couldn't talk to my mother about this cause she is CRAZY. I should note that neither stayed at the school to graduate they both came back for whatever reason to J-ville.

So when I hear about the great things going on at Central, how culturally diverse it is, how its one of the top schools in the country.....I must admit a wave of hate comes over me. Don't get me wrong I appreciate the Little Rock 9 but the misinterpretation of desegregation by the LR School District and its personal application to me just really hurts.