In a weird place.....

I am in a weird place right now....I just finished watching The Bucket list and of course I cried. Before that I watch The Perfect Holiday and I watch Kung Fu Panda and Season 4 of the wire. I am not sure whats going on with me. I am sad but at peace, if that makes any sense. I can't really explain it.

So I am sure you are wondering why I am at home this weekend. I was intially suppose to go to Austin to visit a friend from college, but one of the girls backed out and then I started feeling ill so I choose not to go. I no I said my New Years resolution was to do better and I really do plan on it. I said I am gonna fight my social anxiety and just go out by myself. I really don't have a problem being out by myself, cause I always seem to run into people I know, but gets me is without liquor. I really don't have a desire to drink, but when I think about going out I think of a nice drink in my hand listening to great music, guess I am gonna have to make that drink a shirley temple or pineapple juice with out the rum.

I have no ideal what I am doing for MLK, I really should do something productive. I mean other than stay in my house/bed and watch movies and grade papers or bill. I had a thought the other day that really came out of nowhere its gonna sound crazy but I don't remeber where I but I think I was driving and it just came to me"God is going to take care of it". Now what is it you may be asking. I am been stressing about money, what else is new. I just got my annual "raise" and I am fine. But I am not where I want to be, for some reason I can't save like I want. I want to save $60,000 in the next 3 years ($20,000) a year, how I have no earthly ideal. I thought about getting another part-time/night gig, but I don't have peace about that. And the last time I had a second job, will tell you about that latter. I am just on the is "freaked out" mode. I am like I need to have a "stash" cause I only have this one income, I need to be able to take care of myself when I get old in the event I can't work for a while or something happens and my mother can't work or etc. etc. I am like damn near neuotic.

I digress.....I was flipping to my pages of Jet and Steve Harvey is writing a book think like a man act like a woman. I am so guilty of not doing that. I think like a man, act like a man. We was talking about women who don' t allow men to be men, like paying for meals and things like that. I have been guilty of emasculating a man. I use to have this motto "anything I need from a man, I can buy, borrow or do myself". I have really tried not to think like that, but its so much easier to do that. I have never been that person wo saw themselves, better yet you guys remember the Robin Givens character from Boomerang, I saw wanted to be her. A super bitch.....

This pass week was pretty something. There was this guy, that I have admired from afar. He is good friends with a friend of mines husband. To tell you how long I have admired this guy, I remeber becoming fond of him at my friends daugthers' 1st birthday, I think this September her daughter will be 5. Well anyway I ran into him at an investuture for the ad hoc judge, I left all gitty (you know I didn't stay long) like a school girl. I called my friend to tell her and guess what she says "HE'S ENGAGED". You know the last krush I had got engaged. Well it appears that the days to come are gonna be busy.

S23 sent me a list of question I am suppose to answer, but I forgot the rules so let me do that before I get a not so "friendly reminder".