Tears in the office....

Today I cried at work....I know how unprofessional. I had a client today that I was fighting for his release and I don't think the judge is going to let him go. Now he is crazy as the day is long and the Dr. say (though I question that) he is a danger to himself and others. Now this guy is homeless, no family, no criminal history, now he is crazy not question about that. but i just had a hard time letting it go just because he is crazy. I don't it just really got to me cause I fight for ass holes everyday to go home only to come back a month or so later with another charge. My co-worker said he will be getting the help he needs if he is civilly committed because otherwise he will be out in the street with no treatment, home and could end up hurting someone or getting hurt. I guess that's true but i just don't think its fair just because he is crazy who am i to see he shouldn't be out if I believe that state is illegally holding him.

Sometimes I hate my job and sometimes I love it. Sometimes I feel so elitist, for example yesterday I met with a woman who has 9 kids, numerous baby daddy's, no job, living on government assistance. She says she has 2 kids that are grown and the others range from high school age to toddler. She is charged with Cruelty to Juvenile. My first thought was if you had a job maybe you wouldn't have all these damn kids, then I was like hell that should be cruelty in itself 7 kids that you can't support. I promise the more I talked to her the more exhausted I became, hell I had to come home and take a nap. I felt bad for judging this lady but I was so annoyed by her situation. And then read some of the allegation, how she would have her hair and nails done and her kids would look a shitty mess (literally). I was so irritated. Sometimes i feel so guilty for my quasi-bourgeois attitude. Cause there really isn't anything that damn special about me. I could go on, but I will stop.

I guess today my job really got to me. I have about (let's see) 250 open cases and I would say that probably 200 of the people (80%) are black and of those I would guess that 175 are men. you hear that all the black men are in prison and it is so true. If I want to see a multitude of brothers the jail is the spot. they are there for stupid shit. poor decision making, lack of self control, disrespect of others property, etc. then there are so many of them that need some help. many of my clients are the crack babies from the 80's they have so many challenges. Its just heart breaking.

Question: How do you keep up the good fight when the people you are fighting for are throwing in the towel?