Happiness

The other day I was talking with our court reporter. She is probably in her 40's (maybe 50's) but lately she has been doing a lot of traveling with her hunnie. I asked when did she start enjoying life. She said probably in her 40's. She said during her 20's she was married and had a kid, once he got out of school, she sold her house moved into an apartment and has been traveling to and fro.

The reason I asked this was because a friend of mines told me that I need to enjoy life more. I really don't think its time to enjoy life. I feel like my 20's were the boot camp of life. My 20's have been filled with life lesson, bumping my head (sometimes over and over and over again). My friends look at me crazy when I say I am ready for the 30's. In some ways that is true. As far as whatever it is life has to offer I am so ready (cause I just want to believe its got to get better) not to say my life is so bad now but I pray this isn't it (I hope I didn't make a wrong turn back there somewhere). When I think about my health I am so not ready for 30's cause I am so out of shape so unhealthy and i lack true motivation to change. In my spiritual life I am not sure. Its like I know better but sometimes I don't do better. I have known God and Jesus as my personal savior (okay let me open that up cause I need some help. I have known that Jesus was my personal savior since i was like 4 or 5 years old. I have known God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I believe that the Holy Spirit Dwells in me, but for some reason I feel that since I have known this "family" for so long I shouldn't be experiences some things or as I type I am thinking maybe I should.
You ever hear people give testimonies and they say how they were in the world and they did this that and another and how God brought them a mighty long way. I think of this song (not really a song just a testimony on record) About this lady who sang for Chaka Khan and want not met a guy that became her drug dealing boyfriend and how she had a praying grandmother. She passed out from doing drugs and the Lord spoke to her, etc. I can honestly say I have never experienced a low like that and people who have talk about there lives then and now and they have this conviction in there heart and voice about the glory and power of God.
Not that I am saying I need a life changing experience to appreciate God, but somedays I think I (I know) take him for granite. Because he has protected me, so somedays I just don't feel like talking to him. I know that sounds crazy but I don't know what to do. I know you are thinking what does this have to do with happiness.
Well right now I am in a phunk and I can't seem to get out. I just feel numb, indifferent, tired, unhappy. But then I start feeling bad because I know that I am blessed and there are people who wish they were in my position, but I just still feel melancholy.
Not sure what that is about. I feel like I have so much that needs to be done and I just don't know where to start. I want to get organize but for some reason I just don't feel like doing it. Like at the end of the day I feel like I have not accomplished a thing. I use to every night write out my to do list and throughout the day scratch off the things I did and see what I actually did. Now the thought of that just makes me want to go to bed. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!

I so want to have a schedule and be organized more and accomplish more but the thought of sitting down and starting the process seems so daunting.

I started off talking about happiness then moved into God and now I am talking about time management...believe it or not this is how my mind works. I do worry to much and put to much on myself but that's me and how i function.

QUESTION: Are you truly enjoying life, if not when do you think you will start?