okay I have been trying to write for a while but you'll know my nerves get bad...ok i am crazy. Well its Monday and I am fighting a cold. Let me say I am so happy for my BFF she and her family finally joined a church. This pass weekend was pretty interesting. Friday I went to the oyster bar with some friends and had a blast. I then met Dr. Q at this cigar bar. It was okay but it was smoky and I don't like smoke, my hair, my clothes, my car, everything smelled like smoke. It was even more interesting since I don't drink nor smoke. I had a diet coke when I got there he was drinking and then all of a sudden he ordered a coke and smoked his cigar. I told him he could drink it wouldn't bother me. So we talked about absolutely nothing but it was good. Well at some point the smoke started to bother his eyes and I was pretty happy to leave all the smoke. It was cold outside and we hugged and said good nite, I called him to let him know I made it safely per his request. Let me say one thing...I love the way he hugs/holds me, I felt teeny tiny.
So the next day I slept until noon, which is a little later than normal but I didn't think much of it , since I haven't really been sleeping well during the week. Well lover boy (boy toy) can't remember what I called him sent me a text saying "so you aren't returning texts" and I responded "so you aren't returning phone calls" and then about an hour later I called him to see what the hell he was talking about. So he tells me blah blah blah and says he wants to see me and come over i was like "HELL NAW" cause I had shit all over my house dirty dishes it didn't even look like my place, not that he hasn't seen it in a state of emergency before but I didn't feel like entertaining company. SO I told him I would call him back in about an hour and come over and hang out with him. So I go over and we hang out we watch a movie fall asleep and talk and what not. So I come home and clean up and watch a movie and go to bed.
I briefly spoke with Dr. Q. My intention was not to bother him because he was suppose to be working. I briefly shoot him a text to see how its going and this negro is at the mall. WTF????? So I tell him I am disappointed that he isn't being productive and what not. He blows me off and says he plans to spend the rest of the weekend and part of the week before the holidays working on his paper (which he wants to have published) and grade exams, etc.
Well Sunday I wake up to go to church. I am laying there trying to get the energy to get up and realize I ain't gonna make it. I sleep in and at about 9:30 10 I get a call about the Delta's and there program and realize I need to get up and get dressed. The Delta's were having a program/walk for Aids. I go and hear the speaker but I didn't take the test. you'll already know how i feel about being in a database. I have so many issues with taking an Aids test. Now I currently don't engage in high risk activity and I have no reason that I know of that I need to immediately get tested. However, I learned that you can go 20 years without any signs or symptoms. So with that being said I could stand to present a swab, but I will have to do that with my personal physician. I have some questions: how is this going to look on my insurance, what reporting obligations do they have, etc. Well after that I came home and laid down and watched some more (like 3 movies). My throat began to get scratchy, my head felt like it was about to explode, my stomach felt icky. And there it was I was getting sick.
So i went to work and after court came home took a long nap, washed clothes, cooked and here i am waiting for my last load to dry.
Now I am gonna back to Saturday night. I was talking to Dr. Q and a while back he asked me a question "what do I want/what was i looking for" I really didn't know or have an answer. I know part of my response was I want to find someone who can 'handle' me and that I feel comfortable being around but I really don't know. I never got to ask him the same question, so on Saturday while we talked I asked him, he was on his way into Wal-mart (still not being productive) I told him that he didn't have to answer me now that he could answer me later. He was like cool, I will call you back when I get out. So why is it Monday and I still don't know? I am not going to bring it up but if I don't get an answer and one I like I am gonna be so DONE....You'll know my nerves get bad.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Is this a second chance to get it right?
Okay let me say I think boy toy is going to be retired, I will be deleting him from my phone and moving him to my electronic black book. With that I think I may have a new character in my life.
We will call him....Dr. Q, not really original at all. Okay Dr. Q and I met like my freshman year in college, he was taking classes at LSU as well as SU. He worked at LSU and asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Well we talked for a while, I remember him coming to visit me in my dorm and he was so NY undercover, not actually but he had just moved here from Connecticut and he rocked the timbs and what not. He was supper nice but I don't recall why I stopped talking to him, but we did. He says that I blew him off, which is possible but I don't recall. Well over the past years he says he has seen me, while I was in law school and at church. I remember seeing his sister, but I don't recall him introducing us, maybe I do vaguely. His sister is a member of the same Alumnae Sorority I just joined. Well anyway this past Saturday I was advising the undergrads at homecoming tailgate and he walked by me and I said "If you walk past me and don't even speak my feelings will be hurt" and we started talking. We talked off/on at the tailgate, we exchanged numbers again and talked later that night. I am not sure if I am interested in him, but I will say he has been on my mind. The past week, we talked on Saturday for a while on the phone after I left the tailgate, didn't talk to him on Sunday, I wake up Monday morning to a text from him that says "Happy bday quez". WTF??? So I think on this for a minute and thinking didn't we talk about me not being a morning person and why would he send this to ME? So I figured maybe this was a hint and later that day I sent him a text that said "Happy Birthday". And later on that night I called him. Well he didn't answer. So Tuesday comes and I go to court and come back to find I have a missed call from him, I call him back and get no response. Well Tuesday comes and goes and Wednesday I have a pretty shitty day at work, and so I get home I call him to see what is going on, he answers and talks my head off. He tells me he got my call but he was in Mississippi, where he goes to school (he is working on his PhD) and that he leaves there early in the morning to come back for work. I tell him I didn't want anything just to give him hard time about sending me a text for Que's, was this some hint and he says YES!!! Well we talk and I tell him about my shitty day and we talk and we get off the phone. Well this morning I wake up at like some random time in the morning toss and turn in my bed go to the kitchen and her my phone ring, I have a text. I look at my clock and its 4:39 in the a.m. now normally I would be dead to the world but i am up. So I send him a message back saying "how did you know I was up" he responds "I listen and pay attention". I thought that was really weird. So I don't know about this guy. I think he still thinks of me as the sweet little girl from college, I don't know if I am even that person anymore. I mentioned earlier that he talks, this dude talks my head off. But its good cause I don't have to say much but I am not sure if its okay because I listen to people all day.
We will call him....Dr. Q, not really original at all. Okay Dr. Q and I met like my freshman year in college, he was taking classes at LSU as well as SU. He worked at LSU and asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Well we talked for a while, I remember him coming to visit me in my dorm and he was so NY undercover, not actually but he had just moved here from Connecticut and he rocked the timbs and what not. He was supper nice but I don't recall why I stopped talking to him, but we did. He says that I blew him off, which is possible but I don't recall. Well over the past years he says he has seen me, while I was in law school and at church. I remember seeing his sister, but I don't recall him introducing us, maybe I do vaguely. His sister is a member of the same Alumnae Sorority I just joined. Well anyway this past Saturday I was advising the undergrads at homecoming tailgate and he walked by me and I said "If you walk past me and don't even speak my feelings will be hurt" and we started talking. We talked off/on at the tailgate, we exchanged numbers again and talked later that night. I am not sure if I am interested in him, but I will say he has been on my mind. The past week, we talked on Saturday for a while on the phone after I left the tailgate, didn't talk to him on Sunday, I wake up Monday morning to a text from him that says "Happy bday quez". WTF??? So I think on this for a minute and thinking didn't we talk about me not being a morning person and why would he send this to ME? So I figured maybe this was a hint and later that day I sent him a text that said "Happy Birthday". And later on that night I called him. Well he didn't answer. So Tuesday comes and I go to court and come back to find I have a missed call from him, I call him back and get no response. Well Tuesday comes and goes and Wednesday I have a pretty shitty day at work, and so I get home I call him to see what is going on, he answers and talks my head off. He tells me he got my call but he was in Mississippi, where he goes to school (he is working on his PhD) and that he leaves there early in the morning to come back for work. I tell him I didn't want anything just to give him hard time about sending me a text for Que's, was this some hint and he says YES!!! Well we talk and I tell him about my shitty day and we talk and we get off the phone. Well this morning I wake up at like some random time in the morning toss and turn in my bed go to the kitchen and her my phone ring, I have a text. I look at my clock and its 4:39 in the a.m. now normally I would be dead to the world but i am up. So I send him a message back saying "how did you know I was up" he responds "I listen and pay attention". I thought that was really weird. So I don't know about this guy. I think he still thinks of me as the sweet little girl from college, I don't know if I am even that person anymore. I mentioned earlier that he talks, this dude talks my head off. But its good cause I don't have to say much but I am not sure if its okay because I listen to people all day.
When being good is bad....
I am come to realized the gooder (yes I said gooder) you are at something the badder things get. What do I mean? Yesterday, I was at work doing my job and what not. I get an email from my boss who got an email from his boss. The email was informing me that I would be handle our new illegal sign enforcement. You know those random signs you see on the street corner, not just the campaign ones but the ones for daycare, nail shops, tree trimmers, etc. Well apparently they are illegal, haven't read the ordinance on it but will as soon as somebody gets it for me. This may sound cool and excited and half me is excited. However, I am tired. Right now I am in court 5 out of 5 days, on Wednesday I am expected to be in the office until 5:00 p.m. answering calls and addressing people who just walk in, on a rotation of Fridays (like every 4th Friday) I am expected to do this as well, in addition I am have to bill (charge people after reading police reports) 100 cases per week, now I am going to be in charge of new enforcement of these signs. I can just hear the assholes calling me now. I am excited that they trust me to give me more responsibility but shit I am tired. Right now we are one full-time attorney short (and rumor has it that it may not be until January, cause they are waiting for this girl---if that is true all i got to say is this bitch better be spectacular when she gets here), one part-time attorney short, and as of next Tuesday 3 support persons short. So needless to say we are stretched. I want even start talking about the characters that are there (not all of them are bad).
So to add to this my supervisor says to me I mention to the boss that your appeals brief was really good. Oh if they put another appeal on my desk you all may see smoke. Now let me say I love being good at what I do, however I want to be compensated and I want everyone else to be held accountable for there work. Now I know that sounds crazy, because i know these same people will bitch about me not being to work timely--consistently. But if my boss laid the law down and said Freespeech22 you need to get to work at XX time I would be on top of it, but until then I will get there when I get there, with my goal being to beat the judge on the bench. So to some it all up I LOVE MY JOB, just hate the bull shit.
So to add to this my supervisor says to me I mention to the boss that your appeals brief was really good. Oh if they put another appeal on my desk you all may see smoke. Now let me say I love being good at what I do, however I want to be compensated and I want everyone else to be held accountable for there work. Now I know that sounds crazy, because i know these same people will bitch about me not being to work timely--consistently. But if my boss laid the law down and said Freespeech22 you need to get to work at XX time I would be on top of it, but until then I will get there when I get there, with my goal being to beat the judge on the bench. So to some it all up I LOVE MY JOB, just hate the bull shit.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Domestic Duty
Well today was pretty productive and not so productive.
I got up this morning around 8 a.m. and took my car to Firestone to have it serviced and my oil changed. Damn near cost me $100 cause they don't do the package that I would always get. I then walked home and washed clothes followed by cleaning my house then going to get my car and going to Wal-mart to pick up my prescription and some other stuff. I then came home and put some crab cakes in the oven and some broccoli in the microwave for dinner. I then took my medication and laid down. I was suppose to go to church but wasn't up for it, then my mother called and another friend. So I am sitting my bed thinking about some things.
Last night I called an ole friend of mines. I am not sure if I ever talked about him on her, cause he is my best kept secret. I met him the summer after my first year in law school. He was everything I could want in someone except he was engaged. I tried my hardest to not get involved with him but I lost that battle. We occupied each others time for that summer, fall and spring. By the time spring came I was head over hells in love with him, and I couldn't stand the thought of being in love with somebodies elses man. I think after a while he took me serious about having to leave him alone. I think that came after I asked him to pick up something I needed for class. Well he came by and brought me what I needed, well we were sitting in my place I in my recliner and he on my sofa. He asked me why I was sitting so far from him and wanted me to come sit next to him. I initially refused but I couldn't tell him no. Well I moved over and he touched me and I just started crying. Yeah so not my mode of operation. I think he was taken back by it and I don't really recall what happened next but I don't recall him staying long. Well after we still talked but he gave me my distance. That summer (after my second year) I went home for the summer and worked and he got married. My last year of law school we still talked but not like before because he was married and I was respecting his marriage as was he. Well I graduated and we maintained contact but nothing serious. He would occasionally try to reminisce about days pass but I wasn't for it. I would come back to Baton Rouge and for some reason never seem to be able to see him while here. He came to Shreveport once and we went out to dinner and it was nice. I thought I was over him and that we could be friends. So we were staying our good byes and then he offers that I come back to his room. I took it as lets hook up but he meant lets continue this conversation no strings. I think the expression on my face said it all cause he quickly clarified what he meant, but I declined and went home. I must say as I was headed home I considered turning around and all those feelings that I thought were gone/controlled whatever came back. Well I had to distance myself from him again we would talk occasionally and one day he got me again. We were on the phone just shooting the shit and he tells me he misses me. I am like DAMN, something I wanted to hear but something I never wanted him to say. Well anyway we maintain our friendship till this day. When I moved back we went out for drinks with one of his former employers and his friend. I didn't drink but we talked that night and somewhat laid our boundaries. He really tries to make me a friend, he has invited me to his daughter birthday party and other stuff. I just don't feel comfortable being in his house, in his daughter or his wife for that matters face. Well I am saying all this to say. Today we talked. He was returning my call from yesterday. He gives me a hard time for all the sleeping I do, he was surprised that I was actually up when he called. I told him that I had gotten up to take my car for an oil change and new windshield wipers. He says he is gonna have to show me how to change my own windshield wipers so I don't have to pay for it, cause its to easy. So we talk about a few other things and we get off the phone. We always gives me shit about not washing my car, so I took my car through a car wash today and had to call him to report that I have washed my car, since it hasn't been washed since September if I had to guess. Well anyway he calls me back tonight while he is driving home and I tell him about how productive I was and I even slightly cooked. He makes the comment, look at you trying to be wifey material. So we start talking about why I haven't join this particular organization that he wants me to join and help "build" back up. In the process of his conversation he starts (what I perceived) fussing at me, and for the first time I felt like I had to put him in his place and correct him. I received it well and we moved on. I am typing all this to say I still love this dude, will I ever be able to shake that feeling. I don't want to do anything to disrespect his marriage and the fact that he has a daughter adds to that feeling. I have always said I will not be one of those women that my dad dealt with. I know how seeing your father in certain lights affects little girls and I don't ever want to contribute to that. I don't want to loose his friendship and I sure as hell can't say anything to him about it. I just want IT to go away and I be able to be platonic friends. UGH!!!
I mentioned that I went to pick up my prescription. I am not sure if I told you all that my last prescription was $45, and I told my doctor this was unacceptable. I couldn't afford to keep this up, but I wanted to stay on the medication until I got my fasting insulin under 10. So she offers me the generic. I am here to report the pharmaceutical company is a racket. Guess how much my prescription is now.....$3.88. I was just as shocked as you. How do people without insurance or on fixed incomes survive. Now mind you when I initially asked the pharmacist says there wasn't a generic. She is in on the racket too.
Oh my I also picked up some Zyrtec-D and do you know those bitches put me in the Federal Government's database. I hate that. I just want to fuckin breath and now I am in the Federal Government's database. I aint making Meth. I hate being in somebodies database. I HATE IT!!! Can't trust the government, I love Obama but you can't trust em'.
I also had another interesting conversation, with Aaron. He made the statement that he is trying to wife me and I told him that I know and that scared the shit out of me. Then he says we do what we want to do for those we want. I personally thought that was non responsive to the conversation we were having. So we talked or better yet he talked. I feel like such a punk when I talk to him, cause I for some reason can't say what I am thinking I usually just sit there and listen and not really say much.
I think I am decided that its easier to be alone than to try and navigate men. I do get lonely and what to share myself with someone but this is to much. I never thought you could have it all, something has to be sacrificed and my sacrificed is love, companionship, all those things that come with being in a relationship. I don't think I am equipped to be someones girlfriend or wife.
I wish I could reboot and get reprogrammed but that's not gonna happen so I am aborting relationships. I am not bitter, thinking there are any great men out there cause that's not true i know some wonderful men, however i they are right for me or aren't available.
I have missed 2 Tuesday and a Sunday of church. I am not sure why I don't want to go. I haven't been able to pray. I kinda don't want to talk to God, and I know why. I know I am not doing what he wants and I am shame. I feel like I have gotten off track. He has blessed me over and forgiven me over and over. But somewhere I fell off the wagon and I am just laying here. I know if I ask for his help he will help me but I want and I don't know why. Maybe its because I am lusting after some woman's husband or ................................
I got up this morning around 8 a.m. and took my car to Firestone to have it serviced and my oil changed. Damn near cost me $100 cause they don't do the package that I would always get. I then walked home and washed clothes followed by cleaning my house then going to get my car and going to Wal-mart to pick up my prescription and some other stuff. I then came home and put some crab cakes in the oven and some broccoli in the microwave for dinner. I then took my medication and laid down. I was suppose to go to church but wasn't up for it, then my mother called and another friend. So I am sitting my bed thinking about some things.
Last night I called an ole friend of mines. I am not sure if I ever talked about him on her, cause he is my best kept secret. I met him the summer after my first year in law school. He was everything I could want in someone except he was engaged. I tried my hardest to not get involved with him but I lost that battle. We occupied each others time for that summer, fall and spring. By the time spring came I was head over hells in love with him, and I couldn't stand the thought of being in love with somebodies elses man. I think after a while he took me serious about having to leave him alone. I think that came after I asked him to pick up something I needed for class. Well he came by and brought me what I needed, well we were sitting in my place I in my recliner and he on my sofa. He asked me why I was sitting so far from him and wanted me to come sit next to him. I initially refused but I couldn't tell him no. Well I moved over and he touched me and I just started crying. Yeah so not my mode of operation. I think he was taken back by it and I don't really recall what happened next but I don't recall him staying long. Well after we still talked but he gave me my distance. That summer (after my second year) I went home for the summer and worked and he got married. My last year of law school we still talked but not like before because he was married and I was respecting his marriage as was he. Well I graduated and we maintained contact but nothing serious. He would occasionally try to reminisce about days pass but I wasn't for it. I would come back to Baton Rouge and for some reason never seem to be able to see him while here. He came to Shreveport once and we went out to dinner and it was nice. I thought I was over him and that we could be friends. So we were staying our good byes and then he offers that I come back to his room. I took it as lets hook up but he meant lets continue this conversation no strings. I think the expression on my face said it all cause he quickly clarified what he meant, but I declined and went home. I must say as I was headed home I considered turning around and all those feelings that I thought were gone/controlled whatever came back. Well I had to distance myself from him again we would talk occasionally and one day he got me again. We were on the phone just shooting the shit and he tells me he misses me. I am like DAMN, something I wanted to hear but something I never wanted him to say. Well anyway we maintain our friendship till this day. When I moved back we went out for drinks with one of his former employers and his friend. I didn't drink but we talked that night and somewhat laid our boundaries. He really tries to make me a friend, he has invited me to his daughter birthday party and other stuff. I just don't feel comfortable being in his house, in his daughter or his wife for that matters face. Well I am saying all this to say. Today we talked. He was returning my call from yesterday. He gives me a hard time for all the sleeping I do, he was surprised that I was actually up when he called. I told him that I had gotten up to take my car for an oil change and new windshield wipers. He says he is gonna have to show me how to change my own windshield wipers so I don't have to pay for it, cause its to easy. So we talk about a few other things and we get off the phone. We always gives me shit about not washing my car, so I took my car through a car wash today and had to call him to report that I have washed my car, since it hasn't been washed since September if I had to guess. Well anyway he calls me back tonight while he is driving home and I tell him about how productive I was and I even slightly cooked. He makes the comment, look at you trying to be wifey material. So we start talking about why I haven't join this particular organization that he wants me to join and help "build" back up. In the process of his conversation he starts (what I perceived) fussing at me, and for the first time I felt like I had to put him in his place and correct him. I received it well and we moved on. I am typing all this to say I still love this dude, will I ever be able to shake that feeling. I don't want to do anything to disrespect his marriage and the fact that he has a daughter adds to that feeling. I have always said I will not be one of those women that my dad dealt with. I know how seeing your father in certain lights affects little girls and I don't ever want to contribute to that. I don't want to loose his friendship and I sure as hell can't say anything to him about it. I just want IT to go away and I be able to be platonic friends. UGH!!!
I mentioned that I went to pick up my prescription. I am not sure if I told you all that my last prescription was $45, and I told my doctor this was unacceptable. I couldn't afford to keep this up, but I wanted to stay on the medication until I got my fasting insulin under 10. So she offers me the generic. I am here to report the pharmaceutical company is a racket. Guess how much my prescription is now.....$3.88. I was just as shocked as you. How do people without insurance or on fixed incomes survive. Now mind you when I initially asked the pharmacist says there wasn't a generic. She is in on the racket too.
Oh my I also picked up some Zyrtec-D and do you know those bitches put me in the Federal Government's database. I hate that. I just want to fuckin breath and now I am in the Federal Government's database. I aint making Meth. I hate being in somebodies database. I HATE IT!!! Can't trust the government, I love Obama but you can't trust em'.
I also had another interesting conversation, with Aaron. He made the statement that he is trying to wife me and I told him that I know and that scared the shit out of me. Then he says we do what we want to do for those we want. I personally thought that was non responsive to the conversation we were having. So we talked or better yet he talked. I feel like such a punk when I talk to him, cause I for some reason can't say what I am thinking I usually just sit there and listen and not really say much.
I think I am decided that its easier to be alone than to try and navigate men. I do get lonely and what to share myself with someone but this is to much. I never thought you could have it all, something has to be sacrificed and my sacrificed is love, companionship, all those things that come with being in a relationship. I don't think I am equipped to be someones girlfriend or wife.
I wish I could reboot and get reprogrammed but that's not gonna happen so I am aborting relationships. I am not bitter, thinking there are any great men out there cause that's not true i know some wonderful men, however i they are right for me or aren't available.
I have missed 2 Tuesday and a Sunday of church. I am not sure why I don't want to go. I haven't been able to pray. I kinda don't want to talk to God, and I know why. I know I am not doing what he wants and I am shame. I feel like I have gotten off track. He has blessed me over and forgiven me over and over. But somewhere I fell off the wagon and I am just laying here. I know if I ask for his help he will help me but I want and I don't know why. Maybe its because I am lusting after some woman's husband or ................................
Monday, November 10, 2008
I really need to be sleep...
So I am sitting here doing absolutely nothing and I should be sleep because tomorrow I am off and I really need to be productive, but I have a few things on my mind.
The first thing is the number of things I need to accomplish tomorrow: I have a shit load of laundry to do, then clean up then pack, cause I am doing an overnight in Houston Thursday-Friday for Delta. I need to get my oil changed and my car serviced. I need to go to Wal-mart and pick up some drugs. I need to do some billing for work so I want be behind. Plus I need to rest. I know funny.
Well lets talk about my visit to my doctor. A couple of months ago, like July I went to the Dr. for a check up and just maintenance on the body. My doctor was concerned about my resting insulin level. Well I was placed on medication, told to exercise 30 minutes 3 days a week, reduce my caloric intake to 1500 calories a day. Well I took the medication, changed my eating habits (cooking more, drinking more water, minimizing the fried foods, no "prepared meals"), and well the exercising didn't really make the cut. So I went today for my check up and well I lost 5lbs. my resting insulin level is down about 3 points (Good) so I have been moved to the generic brand of my prescription (cause brand was like $45) and generic is like $10 (so I am told) and I will be on it until February. I think I am going to extend my no alcohol until February and if I do well I will be ready for Mardi Gras drinks in hand. So I am pretty excited, maybe I will exercise (don't hold your breath)
I completed my training and have been asked to be apart of faculty with the University of Phoenix-Axia College. I will be teaching Criminal Procedure for individuals seeking there associate degree. I have already signed up for my "1st Class), it suppose to start 12/15 and go until 3/1/09 with 2 weeks off for the holidays. Hopefully this time I will manage my time a bit better.
And lastly on my mind MEN!!! But before I get to that let me tell a story. I had this advisor in college who had this cat. My advisor did a moderate amount of travel and would have to leave her cat at times, but every time she (my advisor) would return the cat would act all crazy. She went to the vet to find out what was the deal with her cat. The vet told her that when she would leave for and extended (a couple of days) period of time the cat would go into mourning and then when she would show back up the cat would be a bit confused because she (the cat) thought my advisor was dead and now she had to readjust to her being there.
I tell that to say I think I am this cat when it comes to men. I don't do men, I don't date, I am pretty much a loner/homebody. So when there is a man in my life (in whatever capacity) and he goes away (for whatever reason) and then returns I get all crazy. Example- I met this guy (Lover Boy) about a week or two ago, and we saw each other for a couple of days straight, then we both got busy and I haven't seen him since Wednesday (it's Monday) we have talked and texted each other, he has now gone to Atlanta, with him being gone and not ever present I feel like I am getting a little crazy. As you all may remember I told you all I have abandonment issues, so when people are gone for any period of time I kinda freak out. I start getting a little self conscious, thinking did I do some or say something wrong, are they coming back, have they found my replacement before I found there's and the list goes on. LoverBoy has joked (at least I think he is joking) about staying and not coming back. My response in my controlled crazy state was I would understand, I would miss you and then I would get over it. I must say I don't like the thought of that, not becuase I am in love with him or anything. I just hate people leaving. Crazy I know but hey its my blog and i can be crazy if I want. I will say this, at least I know it sounds crazy.
Random thought: is it wrong that I have no desire to be near D.C. for inauguration, that I would rather watch it on TV? Speaking of TV I got my converter coupon, no I don't have cable, we are in a recession and I need to watch my expenses and attempt to save some money.
The first thing is the number of things I need to accomplish tomorrow: I have a shit load of laundry to do, then clean up then pack, cause I am doing an overnight in Houston Thursday-Friday for Delta. I need to get my oil changed and my car serviced. I need to go to Wal-mart and pick up some drugs. I need to do some billing for work so I want be behind. Plus I need to rest. I know funny.
Well lets talk about my visit to my doctor. A couple of months ago, like July I went to the Dr. for a check up and just maintenance on the body. My doctor was concerned about my resting insulin level. Well I was placed on medication, told to exercise 30 minutes 3 days a week, reduce my caloric intake to 1500 calories a day. Well I took the medication, changed my eating habits (cooking more, drinking more water, minimizing the fried foods, no "prepared meals"), and well the exercising didn't really make the cut. So I went today for my check up and well I lost 5lbs. my resting insulin level is down about 3 points (Good) so I have been moved to the generic brand of my prescription (cause brand was like $45) and generic is like $10 (so I am told) and I will be on it until February. I think I am going to extend my no alcohol until February and if I do well I will be ready for Mardi Gras drinks in hand. So I am pretty excited, maybe I will exercise (don't hold your breath)
I completed my training and have been asked to be apart of faculty with the University of Phoenix-Axia College. I will be teaching Criminal Procedure for individuals seeking there associate degree. I have already signed up for my "1st Class), it suppose to start 12/15 and go until 3/1/09 with 2 weeks off for the holidays. Hopefully this time I will manage my time a bit better.
And lastly on my mind MEN!!! But before I get to that let me tell a story. I had this advisor in college who had this cat. My advisor did a moderate amount of travel and would have to leave her cat at times, but every time she (my advisor) would return the cat would act all crazy. She went to the vet to find out what was the deal with her cat. The vet told her that when she would leave for and extended (a couple of days) period of time the cat would go into mourning and then when she would show back up the cat would be a bit confused because she (the cat) thought my advisor was dead and now she had to readjust to her being there.
I tell that to say I think I am this cat when it comes to men. I don't do men, I don't date, I am pretty much a loner/homebody. So when there is a man in my life (in whatever capacity) and he goes away (for whatever reason) and then returns I get all crazy. Example- I met this guy (Lover Boy) about a week or two ago, and we saw each other for a couple of days straight, then we both got busy and I haven't seen him since Wednesday (it's Monday) we have talked and texted each other, he has now gone to Atlanta, with him being gone and not ever present I feel like I am getting a little crazy. As you all may remember I told you all I have abandonment issues, so when people are gone for any period of time I kinda freak out. I start getting a little self conscious, thinking did I do some or say something wrong, are they coming back, have they found my replacement before I found there's and the list goes on. LoverBoy has joked (at least I think he is joking) about staying and not coming back. My response in my controlled crazy state was I would understand, I would miss you and then I would get over it. I must say I don't like the thought of that, not becuase I am in love with him or anything. I just hate people leaving. Crazy I know but hey its my blog and i can be crazy if I want. I will say this, at least I know it sounds crazy.
Random thought: is it wrong that I have no desire to be near D.C. for inauguration, that I would rather watch it on TV? Speaking of TV I got my converter coupon, no I don't have cable, we are in a recession and I need to watch my expenses and attempt to save some money.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
HOW RUDE!!!
I promise, I am so done!!!! I am not sure if you guys remember me telling you about my college roommate who came to stay with me a few months back well anyway she came back. I am convinced that I am to nice.
So she comes on Friday, no problem, goes to her events on Saturday, no problem, well Sunday came and well this is what happened.
Okay let me go back. My roommate from college (one of them) was coming down for the weekend to celebrate her chapter (AKA) 35 years. So I didn't really expect to see much of her but that was cool. So now to Sunday.
I get go to church for 7:15 and leave her at my house sleep. She says they have some prayer breakfast that day. Well I go and get back from church and she isn't at my house. Cool!! Well I am milling around trying to decide if I am going to take a nap or not. She gets here and lays back down. Cool!!! So I get back in my bed ( wrap my hair, change my clothes, the whole nine). Well the next thing I know I hear her on the phone and then she ask me about directions to my house from some random place. I eventually get on the phone and give the person on the other end directions. I am like what the hell, how she gonna invite somebody to my house and I am in my bed. Well the person get here and she leaves, not big deal. I go on about my evening and get back home around 9 pm and her stuff is still here. So I get ready to head to bed and finally call her to see when she is leaving and she tells me on Monday. What? This is my first hearing of this. I am like oh okay I didn't know that. So Monday comes and I am getting ready for work and she hasn't made a move. So I ask her what time was she headed out cause I needed to figure out how I was going to get my key back and lock up my house. She hesitates, as she thinks about what time she is going to leave. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! So finally after I walk away, get dressed talk with my family on the phone she says NOON. WHAT!!! I mean hello people I am going to work and I will be in court. I am pissed!!! how inconsiderate. If I were staying at someones house until Monday and they had to go to work, I would be rolling out with them when they left. Okay I have to got this rant short because I have to go advise.
So she comes on Friday, no problem, goes to her events on Saturday, no problem, well Sunday came and well this is what happened.
Okay let me go back. My roommate from college (one of them) was coming down for the weekend to celebrate her chapter (AKA) 35 years. So I didn't really expect to see much of her but that was cool. So now to Sunday.
I get go to church for 7:15 and leave her at my house sleep. She says they have some prayer breakfast that day. Well I go and get back from church and she isn't at my house. Cool!! Well I am milling around trying to decide if I am going to take a nap or not. She gets here and lays back down. Cool!!! So I get back in my bed ( wrap my hair, change my clothes, the whole nine). Well the next thing I know I hear her on the phone and then she ask me about directions to my house from some random place. I eventually get on the phone and give the person on the other end directions. I am like what the hell, how she gonna invite somebody to my house and I am in my bed. Well the person get here and she leaves, not big deal. I go on about my evening and get back home around 9 pm and her stuff is still here. So I get ready to head to bed and finally call her to see when she is leaving and she tells me on Monday. What? This is my first hearing of this. I am like oh okay I didn't know that. So Monday comes and I am getting ready for work and she hasn't made a move. So I ask her what time was she headed out cause I needed to figure out how I was going to get my key back and lock up my house. She hesitates, as she thinks about what time she is going to leave. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! So finally after I walk away, get dressed talk with my family on the phone she says NOON. WHAT!!! I mean hello people I am going to work and I will be in court. I am pissed!!! how inconsiderate. If I were staying at someones house until Monday and they had to go to work, I would be rolling out with them when they left. Okay I have to got this rant short because I have to go advise.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Okay so I am back....
Oh my goodness, so much has happened since we last spoke. A hurricane, I finished my class, people have quit at my job, o so much.
Let see right now I am sitting in my house listening to the men on the roof sing Spanish songs and they bang and hammer and staple (sounds like they have a huge staple gun). I have a meeting with undergraduate chapter that I have been recruited to advise. They keep me relevant. It's never a dull moment with them.
After that I guess I will come on and get ready for work and watch my movie. My college roomate is here for the weekend. It has been pretty uneventful, but I will tell you about it.
Okay lets go back to Tuesday of this week, I had a revelation...I think I have lost my MOJO. My life is pretty boring and the ability to charm/flirt/hell garner any attention from a man has pretty much gone to the dogs. So I call my BFF and she is not available then I call my road dawg and she is like WHAT, are you okay, do I have to make a flight down and we have a HO intervention.
Okay let me put a disclaimer on the rest of the conversation...I know its going to be hard not to get the wrong impression by some of these statements, please don't judge or ask questions. My friends and I have a strange way of expressing ourselves and you just have to be there to undersgtand. I will try to help you but I promise it is not as bad as it sounds.
I tell her no I will be okay, I finish grading final exams for my class and get those submitted on Thursday. I was pretty much stressed about getting them in before Halloween cause I didn' t want any delays in my money... PAY ME WHAT YOU OWE ME!!!! Well anyway I finish them Thursday nite and I am so excited. I decide for the supper club/halloween party I was gonna make pumpkin bars. So Friday I go to work and then have lunch with a classmate and afterwards venture to Wal-mart and buy ingredients and supplys for this. Afterwards I slave in the kitchen baking my heart out. I then meet up with my neighbor and we go to the "party". The events that followed I want blog about just know that in the course of the evening, I eat, take a nap, meet a man, witness a fight, get dropped in the middle of the street, witness a car accident, observed crazy white people dancin in nothing but suspenders and boxers to a moving grocery cart that plays music and I don't get home until 8 a.m. What a night?????
Needless to say Saturday was more lazy than normal.
I guess I will stop there for now, I am sure I will have more to type about later.
Let see right now I am sitting in my house listening to the men on the roof sing Spanish songs and they bang and hammer and staple (sounds like they have a huge staple gun). I have a meeting with undergraduate chapter that I have been recruited to advise. They keep me relevant. It's never a dull moment with them.
After that I guess I will come on and get ready for work and watch my movie. My college roomate is here for the weekend. It has been pretty uneventful, but I will tell you about it.
Okay lets go back to Tuesday of this week, I had a revelation...I think I have lost my MOJO. My life is pretty boring and the ability to charm/flirt/hell garner any attention from a man has pretty much gone to the dogs. So I call my BFF and she is not available then I call my road dawg and she is like WHAT, are you okay, do I have to make a flight down and we have a HO intervention.
Okay let me put a disclaimer on the rest of the conversation...I know its going to be hard not to get the wrong impression by some of these statements, please don't judge or ask questions. My friends and I have a strange way of expressing ourselves and you just have to be there to undersgtand. I will try to help you but I promise it is not as bad as it sounds.
I tell her no I will be okay, I finish grading final exams for my class and get those submitted on Thursday. I was pretty much stressed about getting them in before Halloween cause I didn' t want any delays in my money... PAY ME WHAT YOU OWE ME!!!! Well anyway I finish them Thursday nite and I am so excited. I decide for the supper club/halloween party I was gonna make pumpkin bars. So Friday I go to work and then have lunch with a classmate and afterwards venture to Wal-mart and buy ingredients and supplys for this. Afterwards I slave in the kitchen baking my heart out. I then meet up with my neighbor and we go to the "party". The events that followed I want blog about just know that in the course of the evening, I eat, take a nap, meet a man, witness a fight, get dropped in the middle of the street, witness a car accident, observed crazy white people dancin in nothing but suspenders and boxers to a moving grocery cart that plays music and I don't get home until 8 a.m. What a night?????
Needless to say Saturday was more lazy than normal.
I guess I will stop there for now, I am sure I will have more to type about later.
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