So off to college I go with a boyfriend in tow that is in school in DFW and I in BTR and I see so many men. But I was in love and faithful. Needless to say I broke up with him that October of my first semester. I am glad to report that he is one of my bestest and closest friends today.
Okay the men I met in college. When I first got to college I had a job on campus in the Engineering department. I met this upperclassman who was an Alpha. I was so afraid of him, cause he was older, greek and fertile (he had a son). He didn't make any moves on me initially we just talked and he would give me rides home after work and we just chilled. Oh I forgot to mention I think his baby mamma went to school with us as well. So we talked and were friends my first year in college. He was a true friend. Well let me go back. At the beginning of my second semester my classes got purged because I forgot to return my fee bill stub, I didn't owe anything but I forgot to return it and my classes got purged. Well he was very instrumental helping me get classes and everything straight so we still talked during my 2nd semester mind you I would never go out with him or doing anything other than maybe kiss him. I was so afraid of him. I was like 18 and he had to have been like 23 0r older. Well anyway after I come back after the summer we hung out a little bit but we ended cause i was so afraid of him till it was ridiculous. In college i didn't really date people (i would occupy time and then move on) until I met LeMar. When I first met LeMar I really wasn't all that interested in, I was actually interested in his friend. Come to find out they weren't even friends they were just cool. LeMar wore me down he chased me for about 1 year. He was a year behind me in college and he would call me to see how I was doing, if I was sick he would meet me in front of the Union (unplanned of course) and bring me OJ and walk with me to class. I personally thought this dude was Ultra-Lame. He would bring me plastic flowers and say he wanted them to last forever. WTF!!! If I didn't say it i met him 1st semester of my Sophomore Year. Like I said he wore me down, I really wasn't interested in him, actually found him to be annoying. I was somewhat mean to him and rude as hell. Well the 2nd semester of my Junior year (yeah a whole year later) we started hanging out more and he didn't annoy me as much. Well we were watching a movie in my room before I was getting ready to go out and right before he left he kissed me. When I tell you I got chills and had butterflies in my chest. It was the weirdest thing I had ever experienced. Well after that we started dating and later he became my boyfriend. It was wonderful. We never argued we never fought. It was pretty much whatever I wanted. We dated through the summer. During the summer he would come over and sleep with me and nothing would happen. He would just hold me and we would sleep. Well one weekend my roommates and I had a party, why who knows. back then you didn't need a reason. So the week before we wiped up some tonic and let it sit (fermate) in the refrigerator for about a week. we had our party. Now LeMar didn't drink and I drank like a fish. So he came over and just stayed in my room the whole nite work on stuff (school work---what a dork LOL) we had jello shots and all. My friends thought this was a little weird for him to stay in my room the whole night, while me and his friends/roommates my friends/roommates partied. Well I figured since he didn't drink he didn't want to be around drunk. Well that night I was face numbing drunk and I am not sure what happened once i passed out, all I remember was coming to and he was on top of me and I was freaking out. I didn't know who/why this man was laying on top of me and then I passed out again. I woke up the next morning and he was gone. I called him and was like whats going on with you. He was like you freaked me out last night. I was like what are you talking about. He wouldn't tell me and that's when we had the talk. We decided that it would be best if we waited before having sex and that we should get to know each other a lot better. I was cool with that cause by this time I was on year 3 of celibacy so i wasn't missing anything. So we continued to date and he would stay with me I stay with him sometimes. I partied hard and he remained a home body. He got alone with my roommates for the most part, though he would annoy the shit out of Takia and I wold tell him to leave her alone. Well you know how people say hindsight is 20/20 I understand. One night after partying with my friends, actually it was homecoming and my friends from NOLA came down. Now we had talked about this I told him they were coming and that i was gonna stay with him and let my friend have my room, that I would come over after we got in that it may be late. Now we get in and i have been drinking (hell what else is new) and I call him and he answers the phone in half sleep. I am like open your door I am on my way over. He is like NO....WTF (I only use this word in this relationship) I am like what are you talking about. He was like I have a friend over and I am like and you have three roommates plus the nigga that sleeps on the couch sometimes stop playing. He was like they are in my bed. I am thinking wake the nigga up shit, its late stop playing. I was like I tell you what I am about to hope in the shower and change clothes when i get dressed I am coming over. Was like okay I am gonna take them home and call you when I get back. I am like cool do what you got to do, if I bet you to your place i will probably be sleep. love ya bye. So no problems. So I get there and pass out. I didn't think anything odd about it at all. So about a couple of months later I went out again and got shit face drunk and called him when I got in and he was like i am gonna stay here tonight I was like okay I am coming over. Well after I should my natural black (drunk) ass he gave me my way. Not really sure why we had to go through all of that cause he always gave me my way. Now let me tell you about LeMar. He was a year behind me but I was 4 months older than him. He was a religious studies/ philosophy major. He wanted to move to St. Louis and get his master and become a minister. The thought of being a minister's wife was funny as hell to me and all of my friends. I met him mother, father and younger brother would go and eat with the family, go to church with him and the whole 9. He even acknowledge that i would be his worse parishioners, I told him I wasn't going to go to his church he was AME and I was Baptist so he didn't have to worry about "leading" me and he was like see what i mean. Well anyway there use to be this lil girl who would always be at his house. Now mind you there were always people at his house. He voluntarily told me that this young lady was there for his roommate, who had a girlfriend. I felt sorry for the lil girl cause when the girlfriend finds out she was going to loss her mind. The lil girl was so nice to me, she would ask me what party's i was going to, speak to me all the time when i saw her (i was like she ain't got to kiss my ass she is cool with me, I wasn't sure if she was kissing my ass cause she wanted to be a Delta or because she thought I knew her secret) either way cut that shit out. And she had a cousin who went to school with us and we were cool as hell. So i just thought this shit was wild. Well the semester was coming to an end and i was going home. Well we got in our first tiff, it was nothing major but it was strange. before I left we were talking about grades and i asked him about his and he went smooth off. I was like damn (you always do better than me so whats the big deal) all you do is read the bible and talk "shit" I deal with programing and shit you can't compare the two. So we make up and I go home. He was suppose to come visit but he didn't, he told me that he was growing his hair out he wanted to go with the Cornel West look, which I was totally against. and told him if he was gonna come to visit he better tame that shit. Before I get to the end of the relationship I have to tell you so other factoids about LaMar. LaMar actually met my family:my mom, my aunt, my dad, my cousin and my step mom. In addition he celebrated my 21st Bday with me, we talked about marriage and spending the rest of our life together. since he was a year behind me i was going to postpone my graduation date so that we could graduate together. I was looking for grad schools in St. Louis so that after we graduated and moved to St. Louis, yeah I had planned my life with this man....I love this man unlike I had loved anyone I had dated before, I felt he respected me because he had a sex less relationship even when there were times I suggest we change that. WELL all good things must come to an end. Well on Friday night we went out to get something to eat and came back, we picked up smoothing for my roommate and when we got back he started annoying the shit out of my roommate as usual and she went off and kicked him out of the apartment. I personally thought the shit was funny as hell because I had been telling him for the past year to leave her alone but he wouldn't listen to me. So she kicks him out and I tell him I think that he should go and that I would talk to him later. (thinking they need time to cool off) Well the next day he had stuff to do with his brother and so we don't talk. That Sunday I wash my hair and I have all these damn rollers in it when he comes over, he is like I am not staying tonight and I am like whatever, my hair is wet and I ain't coming out like this. Oh let me back up that Saturday afternoon he comes over and we watch a movie, and in the movie there is scene were the guy calls his girlfriend from jail and he is asking all these damn questions and he turns to me and says that's what you would do, I am like no. So Monday morning I get up and go to class and go to work, nothing out of the ordinary. At work I decide that I should cook, now mind you in all the time we had dated I had never cook for him, but i figured after this crazy weekend I would. So I call him to see what was up and no answer. Usually we would both get off work and he would come over and we would watch the news and take a nap. Actually he would watch the news and I would nap. So 5pm comes and goes and then 6pm. Nothing. I start getting random calls from people asking me about LeMar and I am like I haven't talked to him, hell people I didn't like call me. Well so around 6:30 7pm I get a call from LeMar and he is like hey, I was like hey where are you he was like "in jail" I am thinking this nigga is playing so i play along, he proceeds to tell me that he and one of his professors got into and argument and that's why he is in jail, but that he would be home later. I was like okay I will see you then, talk to you later. We hang up. Now I didn't think anything of it cause I was like he got jokes and if he did get into an argument with his professor (who was the acting Dean of Students) it was probably some philosophy debate that got heated. Whatever!!! So I didn't tell anyone and just figured i would see him in the morning. So the next day i got up and went to class like nothing and on my way back from class I pick up a school a paper and on the front page it reads "DEAN OF STUDENTS ATTACKED AT HOME" I am thinking damn Dean had a shitty day, so I am walking and reading says that the dean was coming out of his home and was approached by a young black man impersonating a FBI agent and then the get in to a physical struggle when the young black man pulls a knife and the suspect is LEMAR....WTF!!!! So I am freaking the fuck out....I got to my classes skip work and go home. I get home and have numerous messages and one from the dean telling me that he wants to see me. i am freaking out (now the dean is actually my advisor for Student Government, so we actually know each other). He calls me into his office and tells me that he is concerned about me, he shows me the huge ass scar that goes around his neck that he says Lemar did and he tells me how dangerous my boyfriend is and that I need to pretty much get out of the relationship. I am stunned because he has never displayed any acts of violence. Well I go home for a couple of days to sort things out, cause people are calling me left and right. i come back and try to get back on track with the situation dealt to me and find out this motherfucker was cheating and I go smooth off.....who was he cheating with yes that lil girl that i said was kissing my ass, she didn't care where the party was she just wanted to know if i was gonna be out or not. Well I can't really go into details about my response to this information but lets just say the chick was deathly and i mean DEATHLY afraid of me. Hell her cousin who i was cool with and still was even stopped talking to me. I went on a fucking warpath i almost didn't graduate. and this is were we lift up our hands and thank the LORD for grace and mercy cause if I had gotten what I deserved i would be serving time just like Lemar.
I can only imagine how long this blog is I will do part 3 in another blog.
I am sure I left so much out but I think you get the point.
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