This sucks!!!!!!!!

Okay I am the last (insert job title here) in the office, why because I traded duty with somebody. I have about an hour left and I am sleepy as hell. So I guess I will tell you guys about last night. So I did go to the hip hop thing, it was nice. I think however, I have to be in a certain mind frame for it though. It did remind me a lot of a few college parties I went to but whatever. I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a minute. Okay my observations:

1. I have realized that I am a private person. I like scandal but I hate drama. What does that mean. Okay I told you all about this girl I ran into at the jazz place on Wednesday, well I met her and her sister and her cousin at the hip hop night. Well there were some fine men there and a group in particular we were around. Now they were OBVIOUSLY flirting with these guys and I was just chillin in the cut drinking my beers (slowly getting drunk). At some point they started showing tattoos and naked pictures of themselves. All I could do was shake my head. Now let me say this. I have dated guys who strip, never while they were current strippers. I just have a problem (a) with sharing (b) with everyone knowing what I got and (c) I don't think my insecurities could handle a man who's job was to excite women (not just me) but every damn women he came into contact with. I personally like low profile brothers (add this to the list) Low Profile Brothers.

2. When I drink I get horny. Yeah I know I should know this about myself by now. Which would explain some of my bad decisions. So last night I feel like I am getting a little buzzed so I am like I need to get home before I can't drive. So I leave and by the time I got up my stairs I was in face numbing zone. The beer was sneaking up on me and I made it home just in time. So my intention was to come home and finish up my "daily reading" and then go to bed, maybe get things out for work but that would be pushing it. So I get on the comp. return a few emails and then it hits me. I NEED TO CAL (mr. looks good in black and brown) (I think that's the name I gave him earlier). Because of course I see him there. Well I knew he was still there so I shot him a text, saying "It was good seeing". Now mind you I we didn't really talk, we spoke and made eye contact a couple of times, he occasionally would bump into me, but it was just like I liked it no obvious connection or interaction. Well I think by the time I put my phone down, I was smooth passed out. Of course when I wake up this morning I have a response from him asking was I going to sleep. So I had to send him a text back saying sorry I pasted smooth out last night. I sure as hell hope he doesn't call me this weekend, cause I am so not gonna want to be bother. My windows are open for a short period of time and once it closes its closed. You just have to wait for the next come around.

3. I need to just say it...So we are standing around with these guys and one of them tries to holla at me. Okay I very rarely give my info out to people, cause you never know who you are dealing with, and to I really don't got out to meet men. I really would like to just meet one in the grocery store or some where else other than a club, but that's just my crazy. Well this dude catches my attention and says some like you are so gorgeous and I say thank you. Then he says can I have your number, my response was I am seeing someone (LIE). Now why did I lie to this man. Okay he was massive (like I like them) but he couldn't talk. I can't remember but oh yeah he could say mediocrity and he keep saying it wrong over and over and over again. He was trying to convenience me that I shouldn't settle for mediocrity (because I said my man is good to me) when I could have him, who would be great to me. (I was just waiting for him to say drop that zero and get with this hero). Then he proceeded to tell me that he was a coach and he travels a lot. (ugh this is were he put the nail in the coffin) then he says i have rings that other men don't have (huh...is he talking about a wedding ring, I hope this Bamma is talking about like championship rings, because if he is buying himself fucking rings WE HAVE A PROBLEM (that is gay)). Here is the sinker he says "you gonna wish you would have given me your number, cause you are gonna see me on TV and say he tried to holla at me." SERIOUSLY, I hate it I mean I HATE IT when fellas try to make you a gold digger. I have been approached by many different types of me who I have rejected there advances, I do occasionally wish I would have responded differently, but I know at the time I had my reasons. Now this fool thinks cause I see him on TV I am gonna wish I had. Ugh NOT!!!! cause apparently with a statement like that he is so not ready for me. And didn't I say the beer was slowly creeping up on me, so shit I probably want even remember his damn face, actually I don't.

So what do I have in store this weekend...for one i see a nap in my immediate future, cleaning up sometime after that, watching 2 random movies I have at the house, going to sorority meeting, going to church and going to belly dancing. After such an eventful weekend then back to work and a week of only God knows. I have decided that I am gonna limit my activities (late night especially) to 1 a night (Sunday - Thursday). cause your girl is tired and I got to get my rhythm.

1st Step to Complete Independence

A couple of things...

Okay I did it last night, I got dressed, got in my car, went to the door, paid my money to get in, walked down a long corridor, turned right, ended up in front of a stage (with drummer and congo man) walked around to the bar and saw 2 people I knew and met a host of others. I have always said when I get to the point where I can go out by myself I will be truly independent. And last night was the first step, I actually got invited to a hip hop night (like back in college (i hope)), so I may be venturing out again. I will however limit my going out (Sunday-Thursday) to one day cause I was struggling today at work. This only means I really need to get on a schedule and not waste time at work and at home and get adequate sleep during the week and not wait for the weekend. Just like I don't like doing chores on the weekend I need to get the same way about sleep.

I talked to my best friend today. I hope I didn't make her feel bad. I kept telling her how jealous and how much I hated her cause she was in Egypt. I really didn't mean it, I am truly happy for her and hopes she has the best time, plus work of course. She started to apologize for 'bragging' and I told her I was really happy for her and I meant it.

I spoke with Aaron today (I know, I know) I will say I do fancy him. That is so Reba McIntyre (never mind if you aren't into country). He asked me today what if I have the best time of my life when we go out. I told him I would definitely have to leave him alone. So this is my thought provoking thought for the evening, we all have insecurities, whats yours?

Okay not sure if many of you have seen Sex in the City the Movie but Charlotte says something in the movie to the effect "my life is so great I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop" (go see the movie and you will get a better understanding of the statement and the exact quote). I think one of my insecurities (and the only reason I have recognized it, is because I think my father suffers from it as well). I am afraid to be completely happy. I think as long as I have a piece of the puzzle (that is my life's happiness) missing I will actually always fell complete. crazy I know. I guess as long as something is going wrong I feel like things are going right.
I was talking to a friend (my traveling buddy) because we are so much alike so when I stuff she makes it make since. So I was telling her that I don't think I could be someones wife and/or mother. she said actually we can but we just say that. and I think its true. For me right now I am truly bless, I have a job that I enjoy, I have loving family, I have education, I have shelter, I have God, I am Blessed beyond measure. I however don't have anyone to share my blessings with. Like for example, I say how am jealous of my friend for being in Egypt, truth be told even if I were to go, I would have anyone to share it with other than friends and family. Now don't get me wrong that is always good but its not the same.
I have accomplished many things in my life and my friends and family have been there, but I can't think of the last time I had someone special to share, you know share with. Actually as I think back I think the last time that happened was two times (my 21st birthday and when I received an award for my leadership and diversity skills in college), my mom came down, actually she and my boyfriend got together and surprised me, cause I didn't know I was even getting the award. Dick Gregory presented to me and we plus my roommate went out to eat. And for my 21st birthday (which is big shit) this same boyfriend was there with me at midnight, okay blah blah blah you get the point.
I really think that's how its suppose to be, I mean I think people can have it all but I am truly afraid what if I do get it all. I am will be so susceptible to loosing so much.
So when Aaron said what if you had the best time of your life I thinking "RUN FREESPEECH RUN!!!"

Okay I am gonna eat and try to wrap up my daily reading (ie police reports), and get ready to go to Hip Hop night. I mean I did give my word to like 3 people that I would be there.

Today was a pretty good day.....

I love my gynecologist....yeah I know to much information. But those that don't know I am somewhat neurotic and I need to have a good relationship with my health care providers. So far I love my dentist, I love my opthamologist and now i love my gynecologist. I will say I did fall asleep in waiting room. They were playing Regina Belle, there was no crying kids or anything like that it was truly peaceful and I didn't sleep the entire night, I woke up at like 4 am. Well anyway I have learned that its important to love your doctors and I am working on being a better consumer. My doctors back home work good and I liked them, but I didn't ask questions, I didn't really talk to them but learned I was doing myself a disservice so now its on. I should get the results of my test in like 3 weeks.

I even talked to her about getting a breast reduction. For those that don't know I so want to get the girls reduced. If I thought they would let me I would be a good A cup, but hey just to be able to buy my bras out of Victoria's Secret would be good. Well she told me that if I want to breast feed, which I do I needed to wait. So then I asked her if I get my reduction, can they grow back, she said yes if I were to become pregnant, it is possible that they could grow back. OH HELL NAW. So I have decided to wait until maybe 35 and just shut the warehouse down and get the girls reduced then. As I say that, I am going back and forth about it but 39 is it cause I don't want to be having kids at 40.



Okay I know I talked about this earlier and why I wasn't blogging more regularly over the past month. But I have advanced to the next level to be an online professor. I am so excited. My next phase is to teach 2 classes with a mentor. If that goes well I will be invited to become part of the faculty. I was looking at my course and I think I may be able to handle this. I will be teaching Criminal Procedure and the info is voluminous but I think I can do it. I am now just waiting on payroll to contact so I can get my money straight and then I have to set up when I will start "teaching". Hopefully I can start the first week of August. I signed up for a 6-week Dialogue on Race program and I really want to do it and I don't know when I will be able to do it once I start teaching.

Today, I spoke with Aaron. I was at my desk trying to get to Dr. office and he popped on my screen. So I told him I was headed out and asked if I could call him instead. So we talked a bit about his day and he was telling me that he was trying to get things straight with the airlines for his flight(s) back to the states and then NOLA. He was saying how ridiculous the prices were and what night. I will say and this does and doesn't happen often, I look forward to chatting with him. Nothing major, cause we all know I am so the hare in relationships and not the tortoise. So we will see how long he keeps me interested? That's the true challenge.

We were talking and he called me selfish, cause I didn't tell my best friend he said hello. I mean she is my best friend and not his. Why would I tell her that? Okay so I am a little selfish, but we are just friends, why do I have to share my friends with him? So not fair. Okay this is the kinda ish that makes me lose interest---sharing and shit. Next he is gonna want me to play nice with others, speaking of which he tells that if I am gonna be making flip comments to him, I better be prepared to get flip responses from him. WTF???? Ugh, we don't need to be bringing affirmative action in to this. I do what I want and you do what I like. You can't do what I do? Alright, sharing, playing nice, this shit is getting ridiculous.



Okay I am up, just had a nap, it wasn't all that good though. My plan is to clean up, do a little work, get dressed and head out. Yes sir, yes mam, I am gonna go out by myself. A true step towards my complete independence. I am going to see a live band. So I hope I don't chicken out.

If not I will tell you guys all about it.

I'm so jealous

I have a best friend and I swore she is the luckiest bitch in the world. Today I send her a random email asking if she the husband and kid were coming here for Father's Day, she emails me back and says no she wasn't but husband and child were, that she had just landed in Cairo (yes you read it right, Cairo as in Egypt (not Egypt Texas)) but Egypt, like the mother land, pyramids, sphinx and shit......I say she is lucky because I swore she never does any work. I tell her she is like Tommy off of Martin, she says she has a job but I wonder all she does is travel. Before she got this job she had that allowed her to work from home, she would travel. I know she has been to Brazil, Russia, Italy, Ireland, India, Barbados, and the Cayman Islands (yeah all in the name of work). So she says. Okay I am know longer jealous, I am actually happy for her, I just live vicariously through, hell I don't even have a passport. Okay on to other things.

Today I had to apologize to some of my co-workers. Let me first say I don't have a problem working, but I do have a problem being the only person working and yesterday I was DONE!!! I just left work 2 hours early and went home and ate (hence the extra weight) and took a nap. Is it wrong to apologize but not want to hear the other person's response. Today while I was apologizing to the receptionist she started talking to me about the situation.....I wanted to say Damnnit I just apologize can't you just accept it and move on, but no she kept running her mouth, it almost made me want to take back my apology.

I think I may have a date 4th July weekend. I was online today and Aaron, IM'd me, to say he would be in the country in July and asked what I was doing. Honestly, I was gonna go see the family Thursday after work and come back either Saturday or Sunday. My dilemma was that I have my 2nd to last class for belly dancing that Sunday at noon and in order to make it I would have to leave my mom around 6 or 7 in the morning. If I did that I would miss church both here and with my family. I could leave Saturday, but then I wouldn't get to spend all of Saturday with my mom. If I went to church with my mom I would miss my class and get here late for my 'date' and that would put Aaron going back to NOLA late. So I think I may just come home Saturday night go to church and dance class and have an early 'date'. I tripping cause I can't remember the last 'date' I had?????

Well this week I am gonna work on my independence....I know you are thinking I thought you were wholly independent already...and yes/no. I have one thing that I just haven't been able to do and that's go out by myself. So I have 3 events this week. That will allow me to make the complete independent move....I will post about them later and hopefully I can say I have done them. Wish me luck!!!

I think that is enough for today.....

Today I laughed outloud

I think I have written before about the stuff that comes across my desk. Today I laughed out loud. The report read as follows: Officers responded to an anonymous complaint of a person on the bus stop bench. Dispacth advised that the person may be be dead. The defendant had numerous layers of clothing on, a wig, a ski cap and gloves on. He was sleeping on the bus stop bench. Something just came over me when I read that. Oh I forgot to tell you he had a bottle of Thunderbird and it was May.....

Okay I am back...

I just completed my last entry on Friday for my online professor training. So now I will have to wait and see how I did. It was 4 weeks long and the past 3 weeks I have had favorable reviews, now I will say this last week was a Beast. So I hope its an overall assessment and my last exercise doesn't flush everything I have done down the toliet.

So what's been happening... (let's work back)

This weekend was perfect. The lazy azz in me could not have planned a better weekend. Today I got up and went to church, I actually stayed after and fellowshiped. I have decided Iam gonna go to Vacation Bible School and slowly move towards getting involved. I think this new found intererst was sparked by a conversation I had with an ole' classmate from college. I will get to that later. After church, I was a big girl and didn't take a nap, I did somethings around my house, mainly change clothes, eat, and sweep. So then it was off to bellydancing. Okay let me say this, I think I have an inner dancer that is just waiting to get out, but because I live a life of indifference and fear of failing I don't bother. I can remember being in Jr. High school and all the girls in 7th grade talked about all these dance lessons they were taking, Tap, Jazz, Ballet, Hip-Hop, Modern and how they were looking forward to trying out for cheerleading and dance team. I never even thought about these things, I did have friends at the rival jr. high school who had made cheerleading and I was practice in the yard with them, nothing serious though. I would just be there pretty much for a good laugh (I mean they laughing at me). So anyway we all try out that year and NOT AN EIGHTH Grader made it that year. So we all tried out for dance team and made it. Well anyway I was on the dance team and had never really dance in my life, but the routines were rather easy. hell when you don' t know what you're doing its all easy. I had never heard of Pas de bourrée, yet alone done it but when some body said "back-side-front" I had it. Well I made the "drill team" and it was on I started hanging out with a different group of people who exposed me to new and different things and one of those things were dance class. Yes I was the only black person, unless you count the hip-hop dance instructor with the purple contacts AJ. My mom enrolled me in Tap, Jazz, Ballet, Modern and Hip-Hop. I will say I was dancing with people who had been doing this since like 3 and I am was maybe 12 or 13. Well I got in and for some reason I started picking up things, shuffle step ball chain, leaps turns whatever, it was even to the point the owners told my mom I was a natural. Now I have to say though I had the moves I didn't have the technique. I also saw what "true" dancers were like and I just wasn't that serious about it. Okay I digress, I was talking about my bellydancing class. I went to my first class and it was fun, it was an hour and the time went by super fast. I even worked up a sweat, I have 5 more weeks of it and I am looking forward to that. So after bellydancing I came home and took a little nap, got up showered and went to a debutante tea. Now I never was a deb so I am not sure how this all works, but it was cool. I came home watch a movie and now I am here.

Saturday....was wonderful. I woke up around 11 am and played around on the computer. I did call a friend and tell her congrats on her new baby boy and said that I may come see her, but I didn't may do it this week she will be home. Now as I was on the Internet I get a message from an old classmate from college. This is his backstory....Aaron (not his real name) was one of the first people I met when I got to college, we were in a program together, I actually quit the program for some reason. Well anyway I met Aaron in the program the first week before classes started. He was from New Orleans and I thought his accent was cute, not to mention I found him attractive (but I had a boyfriend so it didn't matter). So some how discussion came up about this block party they were having across campus and he asked me if I were going. I don't remember my response, but some how I ended up going. I met some of his friends were from New Orleans and they gave me a hard time about being from Arkansas. College was a culture shock, I had not been at a school with some many people that looked like me. So we go to this block party and they are playing alot of local music, which was foreign to me. Well this one song came on by MC Nero "gota lotta respect" and he and his boys went crazy. Where I came from guys didn't really dance, but Aaron got down (that sounds so old), I just remember standing there in amazment. Well once classes got started we went our seperate ways. I think I did however end up being partners in a class with him, he came over to my dorm room (I think I was seeing somebody then) so we could work on a project. I remeber saying as we were working on this project, ugh you may want to find another partner, cause I am dropping this class. I remeber him trying to conveince me not to but it didn't happen. . Well anyway we graduated and NOTHING...until yesterday. I get an IM from him asking me whats up and we make small talk, he tells me he is in another country but lives in Maryland and then he tells me that he had a crush on me in college. I am like WOW. He then tells me how I got high society and seem to relish in the college life. I then questions me about a guy I dated and a guy I occupied time with while in college. When I tell you we talked the entire day we talked the entire day. We talked about everything. Well one of the things we talked about is my indifference to alot of things. IT WAS GREAT!!! Catching up and what not. Not sure if we will even talk again but it was great to just talk to someone about randomness. He did say one thing that will stick with me he said I had a "dynamic personality". Now I have been called alot of things crazy, wild, unpredictable, bitch, mean, insensitive, but this for some reason stuck with me.

Friday was okay. I went to work and left early. I did have an interesting trial. I had a woman accused of beating her boyfriend with a fan belt. Well she got on the stand and admited having had something to drink and not sleeping prior to coming to court. That was after should told me about her drinking and mixing prescription drug. So after that I went back to my office (oh she was found guilty of battery and disturbing the peace by intoxication) did a little work and went home and finished up my online training and went to sleep. I got up and washed clothes and caught up on Hereos until like 4:30 a.m.

I finally got to see the lost episode of the bondocks..it was great.
Okay, I guess I will go to bed now. I will have more catching up to do.

The last thing your kid needs.....

I will try to keep this brief....I have several friends with kids and they send me invites for the birthday which i really don't have a problem with. But I have decided (though i have been guilty of it) is the last thing you kid needs is clothes or some toys. Like I said I have been guilty of it but i try to if i buy toys to buys toys that are educational, but that to is out of the question....I am giving savings bonds. I just sent my first savings bond on the year. So check out Treasury Direct.gov and sign up and alert your friends and family that the last thing Asa (my imaginary child, though if my husband--who to is imaginary, let me i will name our first born) needs is a damn toy or clothes but an investment in there future.

I want my kids (if God sees fit) and my friends kids to be better financially than we were so make investment, true investments in there future (Ed Hardy jeans, jordans are not investments).